Lines of Misery
by xForeversEndx
Summary: Draco is alone, and somewhat lost. He stumbles across a boggart one day and someone saves him. Draco's life will never be the same. Warning: Self-Harm, and Suicide attempt. SLASH rated for a large amount of swearing
1. Saviour

Draco

It's a Saturday afternoon in March. Everyone's outside. Even the uptight working Granger girl has taken a break from homework to enjoy the Scotland sun. I'm alone, wandering the hallways of this depressing castle. I don't like the sun. It's too bright, and it taunts me with its warmth. Almost as if it knows that no matter how hot the temperature may be, I am always cold. A rustling from nearby classroom startles me. It's probably only peeves, but I peek my head inside anyway. I don't see the poltergeist anywhere. However, a cabinet on the other side of the room is moving. The hair on the back of my neck stands up on end. I tell myself to remain calm, and it strikes me that it's most likely a boggart that has resided itself within its dark confines. I have never done well with boggarts. Thankfully, Potters antics in third year spared me from being defeated in front of my classmates. It is my fifth year, and I'm sure I can manage it now. The last time I faced a boggart, it was the summer before my fourth year. One had made its home in my bedroom closet. Mother heard my screams, and she got rid of it, though not before telling me how weak and spineless I am for not being able to handle the creature. I look around, wondering whether I should tackle it on my own, or if I should alert a teacher. I come to the realisation that if I tell a teacher, I would be made to explain why I was wandering the halls. I've never been a great liar, and I'm certainly not going to tell professor Dumbledore that I was wandering the corridors, contemplating suicide.

With a shaking hand, I open the cabinet. My suspicions are correct; it is a boggart. The creature becomes an ominous shadow for a moment before taking a human shape. The figure removes its hood, and suddenly I am looking into the face of my father. I was wrong. I can't handle this. Father advances on me, an evil glare painted across his features. He is speaking to me.

"You pathetic, weak, spineless faggot. No son of mine will be a gay. You are a Malfoy and you damn well better start acting like it. You will drop this gay nonsense and you will marry the Parkinson girl as soon as you are out of Hogwarts. You will behave like a Malfoy. You will be getting the Dark Mark whether you want to or not. It is your duty to serve the Dark Lord. Look at me when I'm talking to you!" Father slaps me across the face. I am shaking. I raise my wand but my mouth is dry. I cannot say the spell. Suddenly something pushes me out of the way.

Harry

I'm on the way to loo when I'm stopped by the sound of someone speaking. I peek through the door to see Lucius Malfoy scolding his son. But something seems off. Draco has his wand pointed towards his father. He's trying to say something. Then it hits me. That isn't really Lucius Malfoy at all, but a boggart. Draco looks as if he's about to faint. Instinct takes over and I rush into the room, and shove Draco out of the way. In an instant the creature becomes a dementor. I banish it quickly and turn to look at Malfoy, who is chalk white. He staring at me, shocked. There are silent tears on his cheeks. He looks so weak and vulnerable. I feel sick to my stomach. I had no idea that his father treated him like that. Something occurs to me as I remember what Lucius was saying.

"No son of mine will be a gay." Draco Malfoy is gay? This is slightly shocking. I never expected it of him. I notice that one of Malfoy's sleeves is ridden up, and my eyes narrow on his wrist, which is covered in angry red slashes. Has he been cutting himself?

Draco

For the moment I am unable to do anything but stare. Harry Potter, the Golden Boy, just saved me from that boggart, and he is now looking at me worriedly. My knees are week, my hands are trembling, and I am crying. But I'm too much in shock to try to stop the tears. I suddenly realise that Potter isn't looking at my face. I look down. My sleeve is hiked up, exposing the cuts on my wrist. I pull it down quickly and look wearily at Potter, almost daring him to say something about it. I feel dizzy. I don't want to stand anymore. I slide down against the wall, my grey eyes never leaving his emerald ones. I finally tear my gaze away and rest my forehead on my knees. I'm still crying. I feel Harry come over to me. He rubs my back as I cry. I'm still too shaken up to snap at him to go away. Besides, I don't want him to go away. I almost smirk when I think about how he'd react if I told him I was gay. He certainly wouldn't be here right now. I know I need to say something. I look up at him, completely aware that tears linger on my cheeks.

"Why did you come?" I ask, choking back a small sob. "You hate me." Potter sighs.

"How come you haven't told anyone about your father Draco?" He called me Draco, and for some reason this puts butterflies in my stomach.

"Because no one would help me." I tell him. I'm still crying a little. "Father is one of the most powerful wizards in the ministry. No one will try to stop him. He'll just set death eaters on their families. Besides," I say, "No one cares enough about me to try to help." I start to cry harder. Harry puts his arm around my shoulder and hugs me, and I wish strongly that he would comb his fingers though my hair. I want to nuzzle him but I know that would make things awkward for him.

"It'll be okay Draco." He says softly. "It'll be alright." He said my name again. When I finally start to calm down I think of something.

"How much did you hear?" I whisper.

"Enough." He says softly. I stand up.

"Great." I say. "I didn't want anyone to know..." I'm met by the urge to cry again. He looks at me.

"Draco, if you're gay then fine. I'm not gonna hold that against you." I'm close to tears again. He's lying. He has to be.

"Why wouldn't you? You hate me remember?"

Harry

I'm rather surprised at how vulnerable Draco seems now that the meeting with the boggart took his strength from him. Here I am, with my arch enemy crying in front of me, trying to stop me from telling the rest of the school that he's gay. And the truth is, I feel bad for him.

"Not like this. I hate you when you're being an arse." For some reason this was the wrong thing to say. Malfoy glares at me.

"Oh." He says. "You're just enjoying your fun because you saw the 'Slytherin Prince' cry. Or perhaps you're just amused about the fact that my biggest fear is my own father." His tone is biting, and for whatever reason this actually hurts a bit. I shake it off, telling myself that it's Malfoy and I shouldn't care what he says.

"Look," I say, starting to get impatient. "Think what you want. I don't have time for this, Malfoy. And for your information, all I did was come in here because I thought I heard something weird. You looked like you were about to pass out. Now I almost with that I'd let the damn boggart get you." The moment the words are out of my mouth, I wish I could take them back, because Draco suddenly looks like he's lost all hope. His grey eyes stare desperately into mine, as if he's begging me to take back my biting tone. But I don't, because he was rude to me first.

Draco

Suddenly Harry's tone gets harsh and biting, and I want to crawl in a hole. For one moment I believed he cared. He hugged me and let me freak out a bit about the boggart. But now his gorgeous green eyes (did I just say that?) are cold. And I remember he hates me. And I hate him even more for letting me think he cared. I watch as Harry just shakes his head and leaves, leaving me in the classroom to cry. I don't know why it hurts so much to have him rip that out from under me, but it does. And the tears are there before I can do anything about it. I slide down the wall again, encounter with the boggart forgotten, and try to tell myself that I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up anyway. No one cares, and they never will. I'm just completely foolish for thinking the Golden Boy would even consider saving me. I notice now how desperate I really am, if I'm actually hoping that Harry Potter will give a shit about me.

Harry

The next morning Malfoy manages to catch me alone in the hallways again. He pulls me off to the side. I have no idea what this is about and I'm kind of confused. His eyes aren't red anymore. I can't help but notice how nice he looks when he's not crying and he doesn't have that stupid smirk on his face. Wait a moment. What am I thinking? I'm not gay.

"Potter, I need to ask you do me a favour." For a moment I think he's joking, but soon realise that he's not.

"Okay…" I say, completely bemused. "What is it?"

"Don't… Don't tell anyone about yesterday." When I don't respond, he adds, "Please." He looks desperate. I can't help but notice that this is the first civilized conversation we've ever had.

"Um… sure…" I say. But then it occurs to me that I can use this to my advantage.

"But," I add. "Only if you explain to me how you got those marks on your wrists." His cheeks flush, and I think it's adorable. I shake it off, wondering what's the matter with me. I. Am. Not. Gay.

Draco

Fuck. He's asking about my cuts. I need to be sure he won't go harking to a teacher.

"Do you promise you won't tell anyone about those either?" I ask him. I feel desperate and on the verge of begging. I wish I'd never found that bloody boggart. Not only has Harry found out that father beats me, he knows I'm weak and cry about it. Added to that, he now knows that I'm gay (something I've never wanted ANYONE to know), and he's about to find out that I cut myself too. My life is continually getting worse. He nods.

"Yeah." He says. "I promise." His eyes are sincere, and for a moment I'm lost in them. I mentally slap myself. I'm not allowed to have feelings for Potter. Especially after he made me cry like that yesterday, right after I'd gotten over the boggart. Although, admittedly, I probably wouldn't have cried if the boggart hadn't already drained me of any emotional self control I had. I take a deep breath. I'm afraid to tell him. There's a knot in my stomach and my hands are shaking. I hope he doesn't ask to see them, because there are a few new ones from last night. As smart as he is, he'll know they're fresh.

"They're self inflicted." I mumble. I'm not entirely sure why I didn't lie and say they were from Mrs. Norris. But then again, I know I can't lie to him. He stares at me. "Please." I say. "Let's just pretend none of this happened. Thank you for saving me, but please, I need things to go back to normal." I'm lying through my teeth. I don't want things to be normal; I want him to hold me. I want him to tell that he'll help me. But I know that it will never happen. I start to walk away. He grabs my wrist to stop me and I wince with the pain. He looks remorseful.

"Draco," he says clearly. "I'm sorry about being rude to you yesterday." His eyes gaze directly into mine and I know that he's being truthful. "And I don't like to hear that you're cutting yourself. There has to be another, better way to deal with what you're going though." I look into his eyes and try not to cry. I swallow hard. I don't know what's gotten into me. I shake my head and retrieve my hand from his grasp. I walk away, convinced that the next time I see him, I'll treat him the way I always have. No one else can know that this ever happened.

Harry

I stare after Draco as he walks away. There's an unexplainable worry in the pit of my stomach. I scold myself in my mind. I just discovered that Draco Malfoy, stuck up Slytherin extraordinaire, is far from perfect. In fact, he's more fucked up than me. But still… I don't like the idea of him cutting himself… I try to put it out of my mind as I go find Ron and Hermione. But I still can't get the image of those cuts out of my mind.

I walk into class and take my seat next to Hermione. Draco is sitting across the room, with his chin resting on his hand. I notice how he takes extra caution to close his fingers around the bottom of his sleeve, and now that I know that the cuts are there for him to hide, I can't understand how I didn't notice his precautions before. I feel my mouth form a slight frown. Draco suddenly turns his eyes towards me, and I look away.

Draco

Harry is looking at me with a strange expression. Part of me wants to believe its worry but I know that he'd never care about me. No one in this school cares enough about me to try to save me. And that's because I'm not worth being saved. It's as simple as that. But for some reason, that fact that Harry Potter doesn't give a shit about me hurts more than knowing no one else does. His emerald green eyes aren't filled with worry. I'm just imagining that. He'll never care, and I will always be alone. Oh shit. I need to stop thinking about stuff that makes me cry when I'm in class. Because now there's a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes and suddenly I'm sitting here in potions, begging myself not to cry. Not here. Not now. Harry's already seen me cry. I don't want anyone else thinking I'm pathetic too. I try to wipe my hands across my eyes surreptitiously, hoping no one will notice. But what am I thinking? Of course no one will notice. No one cares to watch me. But Harry was… No. Don't think like that. I can't get my hopes up. He was just thinking about how pathetic I am. Laughing in his mind about me being gay. Ah shit. This isn't working. I feel like I'm about to cry, and I _need _to stop thinking about this. Because if I do think about it, I'll start crying in the middle of class. I tell myself to calm down and that I can cry later. Just focus on potions for now.

Harry

When Draco turns away, I continue to watch him. There's worry in the pit of my stomach. Malfoy looks like he's trying not to cry. Then it occurs to me that he probably is and I suddenly get more worried than before. Hermione nudges me.

"What?" I ask, not bothering to whisper because Snape for some reason hasn't arrived yet.

"What _are _you staring at?" She asks me. I shake my head.

"Nothing." It's clear that she doesn't believe me.

"Yes you are." She says. "It's Malfoy isn't it?" I sigh, knowing I can't lie to her.

"Yeah." I tell her quietly. "He looks like he's about to cry…" Hermione shrugs.

"Malfoy always looks upset lately. I mean, not always on the verge of tears, but he's always like that." I feel a surge of guilt for not seeing it before. Oh shit. I feel really sorry for Draco right now… he looks as if he's about to cry at any second. I'm met with an unexplainable urge to go over there and comfort him. I don't know what it is that he's thinking about, but it's hurting him, and I want to make it go away.

Draco

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Why did I have to think about Harry? I can't do this. I take deep shaky breaths. Having a breakdown in a classroom full of people is simply out of the question. Everyone will laugh at me. Don't cry. Don't even dare. Why am I getting like this anyway? I mean every day it's been getting harder and harder not to break down. I've come close to a meltdown in classes before, but never _this _close. Just don't think about Harry. It's simple, right? Wrong. I can't think about anything else, and it's breaking me down. He saw my cuts. He knows I cut myself. But he. Doesn't. Care… No. Stop. I can't think like this. Happy thoughts. Go to your happy place, Draco. But, what happy place? Do I even have a happy place? I don't know. Part of me almost _wants _to cry. Maybe I'll feel better when I'm done… Shit. I need my blade. That's what I need right now. I need to feel the sharp edge tear through my skin, and I need to watch the blood bead up on my wrist. Most of all, I need to calm down. Because when Snape finally gets here, he might ask me a question. And if anyone asks me a question right now, the words will catch in my throat, and everyone will know how pathetic I am. I press the palms of my hand up to my eyes, and breathe deep. I am a Malfoy, I tell myself. Malfoys are strong. Malfoys do not cry in class and Malfoys are mean to a certain Harry Potter. Snape picks this moment to walk in the room.

Harry

Snape just came into the room. Draco looks so close to breaking down. I really hope I don't have anything to do with this. I was really harsh with him yesterday…

"Today we are making a very powerful sleeping draught sometimes known as the 'Draught of Living Death'. Open your books to page 453, and gather your ingredients. I am pairing you up today." As Snape glares down at his list, pairing up students, I content myself with imagining why he was late. It isn't until he pairs me with Malfoy that I pay attention.

Draco

My breathing is slowing, and I'm beginning to calm down. The tears are no longer stinging my eyes, but the knot in my throat still hasn't gone away.

"Potter and Malfoy." I look up. I have no idea what's going on. Why did Snape say our names? I glance around, and see Potter coming towards my table, where I'm sitting alone. I'm so confused. Harry must have seen the dazed look on my face.

"Snape paired us together for the potion." He says cautiously, as though he's worried he'll break me. Once again, I remind myself that he's not worried because he doesn't care about me. I bite down on my lower lip and nod. "It's page 453." He tells me before going to the front of the room for the stuff we'll need. I find the page I need and swallow hard when I see it. The sleeping draught. I wish I could sleep… and never wake up. Tears sting at my eyes again and I wipe them away quickly. I've been thinking about suicide a lot lately. My journal is filled with poems and suicide notes. And drawings of razorblades and nooses and everything else. Potter's returned.

Harry

When I return to the table, Draco is staring intently at the potions page… I don't know what he's thinking but my stomach tightens. The look on his face worries me deeply. I sigh before speaking.

"Malfoy, are you alright?" He looks up, startled. Unless I'm mistaken, I think there are tears in his eyes. He looks back down at the page.

"Yeah I'm fine." He mumbles. I don't believe it but I don't persist. I just shrug my shoulders and ask him to start chopping the roots. "I don't have my knife." He tells me in an odd voice. For some reason I get the feeling that his words have double meaning.

"Then use mine." I tell him, handing him the small silver knife, and then focusing my attention on the instructions. Draco takes the knife from my hands, but doesn't start chopping right away. He just stares at the blade for a moment with an empty expression on his face. He visibly shakes it off and gets to work on the roots. I pause for a moment to watch him. He's looking at the knife chopping the herbs, but for some reason I don't think that he really _sees _what he's looking at. Something hits me.

"Hey Malfoy." I say. "Can you stir the cauldron, I think it's about to boil over." If I'm correct, Draco's too out of it to notice that the cauldron still only contains boiling water. He reaches up to stir and his sleeve slides down. _That's _why he was staring at the knife. My stomach disappears. There's more.

Draco

I'm chopping the roots, staring at the knife. I'm practically counting the moments until I get out of the class. I need my blade. I need it now.

"Hey Malfoy can you stir the cauldron? I think it's about to boil over." Feel ice form in my stomach as he calls me Malfoy. Malfoy is my father. I am Draco. But Harry doesn't care about that does he? To him, I'm just another Malfoy. I reach up to stir the cauldron. I don't bother to close my hand around my sleeve. He already knows I cut myself. Why bother hiding it? But Harry's smart.

"Those are fresh." He says softly. I look up at him, confused.

"Huh?" I ask. Butterflies settle in my insides. I hope I'm wrong about what he means.

"Those cuts." He says, fingering the bridge of his nose, as though his head hurts. "They weren't there yesterday." I pull my sleeve up, and go back to chopping. I'm trying desperately to ignore him and I don't know why. The entire time I've been doing this I've been secretly hoping someone would notice. But they haven't. No one would save me… I swallow back tears. "Malfoy, what's going on?"

"I'm fine." I mumble. I set the knife down and grip both hands around the edge of the table. I stare intently at the grains in the wood, silently begging for death. My knuckles are turning white.

"No," says Harry, ignoring his lace wing flies completely and looking at me. "No you're not." He sounds firm and I force back tears. I'm putting all of my effort in staring at the wood. "You're cutting yourself." He says. I nod.

"I know." I whisper.

"You look like you haven't slept in weeks, and right now, you're trying not to cry. Don't _try _to tell me that you're okay. You're gonna end up killing yourself; I can see it in your eyes." I squeeze my eyes shut. "Malfoy… Draco, look at me." I open my eyes to stare at him. His features are blurred.

"What's wrong?" He whispers. I shake my head and go back to cutting my roots, but not before I wipe a stray tear from my cheek.

"I don't want to talk about it." I mumble. It's a lie. I_ do _want to talk about it. Just not here. He grabs my wrist as I'm lifting my arm. I wince, and he raises his eyebrows as though that proves his point.

"I think you need to." I bite on my lip to keep it from trembling. Why does he have to pick my weakest moments to ask me these things? Snape chooses this moment to come over to us.

"What… is this?" He asks, pointing his bony finger at our cauldron of boiling water. Fuck. Potter set me up. He _knew_ my sleeve would slide if I stirred.

"A cauldron, sir." Says Harry, suddenly becoming a smart arse. I smirk. The tears are slowly going away, but I still want to cry.

"Five points from Gryffindor for your little remark Potter. Now, would you care to tell me why you cauldron still has only water?" He looks at me. "Mr. Malfoy?" He's glaring down at me and I know I have to answer somehow.

"I…" Even the simplest of words catch in my throat, so I say nothing. I'd rather get in trouble then lose control right now. Harry seems to realise this.

Harry

I hear Malfoy's voice break and automatically jump to the defensive.

"Well it's clearly because we haven't added anything sir." Snape glares over at me. I glance at Malfoy, who seems to be lost in thought. Whatever he's thinking, I don't think it's pleasant. What on earth could bring Draco Malfoy so close to crying like that? Especially in the middle of class…

"And what grade do you think you should receive for this?" His voice is dangerously low, and his black eyes meet mine.

"An A." I say, my tone serious. "After all," I add. "We did what a lot of guys can't do at all." I feel 20 sets of confused eyes fall upon me. The whole class it listening now. "We boiled water. Without burning anything." There are a few ripples of laughter, and Draco smiles a bit. It's adorable. I don't care about getting in trouble. I just want to see him smile like that. Snape vanishes the water from our cauldron.

"You get a zero for the day." He says shortly. "And I will being seeing both you and Mr. Malfoy in detention. Tonight. 7 O'clock." Snape walks away, and I turn to Draco, who still looks miserable. He's staring at the knife again.

"You don't need this." I tell him. "You don't need to do this to yourself." I feel desperate to make him understand. I hate that he's doing this to himself. He nods, and this time I actually _see_ the tears well up in his eyes. I fight back an urge to pull him close and never let go. I want to make those tears disappear so badly it hurts.

"Yes I do." He says. His voice is thick. He's been working to keep tears back for so long I can hear it in his words now. I want to kiss his pain away. Wait, what? No. I'm not gay. Why did I just think that?

"Why?" I whisper. "Why on Earth would you think you'd need to do this?" I see him clench his eyes shut and shake his head.

"Stop." He pleads. I'm confused.

"What do you mean stop?" I ask him.

"Stop asking!" He tells me, looking up into my eyes. "You're going to make me cry and I can't afford to have a breakdown right now!" I close my eyes.

"I'm sorry." I tell him softly. "I'm just worried about you."

Draco

"I'm worried about you." Fuck. No. He's lying. He has to be because no one cares. I shake my head harder than ever, eyes squeezed shut. The tears are so close to spilling over.

"No you're not." I tell him, without opening my eyes. "No .No one cares. You're lying!" I'm breaking down.

"I'm not," says Harry quietly. "I'm concerned. And I understand why you don't believe me. I don't understand why you would do such a thing to yourself."

"Fuck off." I tell him in a shaky voice, pressing the palms of my hands up to my eyes.

"Alright." He says softly. "But if you ever need to talk come find me." The bell rings. I tear out of the room the moment it does. I run down the hallway into an empty bathroom. Tears begin to stream down my face and sobs wrack my body. He's lying. My blade! I dig into my pocket and pull out my little silver blade. With a shaking hand, I place the edge of it to my arm, apply pressure, and pull. The fragile skin slices without protest, and blood slowly begins to bead up on the cut. I move onto another section of my arm and do the same thing. The blood flows down. I'm still crying and I try not to think. I just cut.

And cut.

And cut. The blood flows and the cuts sting, and yet I cry. I'm finding it difficult to take a full breath. I'm having a mental breakdown. But no one's here. No one cares to save me from myself.

All I have is my blade. I hear the door open and I look up, fast. I yank my sleeve down over my bleeding cuts and go over to the sink. I run the water and wash my face. At least whoever it is that just came in won't be able to distinguish tears from sink water. As long as they don't try to make me talk…

Harry

I walk down the halls. For some reason, I feel like I need to find Draco. He looked really upset during potions and I need to make sure he's okay. I open the door to the first loo I come across. I've found Malfoy. He's washing his face in the sink. I almost smile at his attempt. I know his trick; mostly sense I've used it before. Despite the water on his face, I know he's crying. And especially after potions, the chances that he isn't are rather slim. I walk slowly towards him

"Draco," I say softly, in a calming voice. "Are you okay?" He turns off the water and nods his head. He's trying to avoid speaking. He looks at the sink. I notice blood drip from under his sleeve. I must have startled him.

"Go away." He whispers. His voice shakes slightly. Instead, I step closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder. I feel him flinch under my touch.

"You've gone and done it again, haven't you?" I ask. I know he understands. He is silent for a moment, and then nods his head. Slowly. I reach forward and take his hand in mine. It fits so perfectly… I turn it so that it's palm up, and slowly bring up the edge of his sleeve. He doesn't pull away, and my breath catches in my throat as I see the fresh cuts. They're still bleeding. I trace a few with my finger. He lets out a shaky breath. All the fight has gone out of him. The only thing I can think of to do is hug him, and so I do. This appears to be a bit much for him, seeing as he once again, begins to cry. I just hold him, thinking of how right this feels. Maybe I am gay after all… or maybe not. All I know is that I need to make his pain go away.

Draco

He's holding me. Harry Potter has his arms wrapped around me, and I am crying into his shoulder. This isn't happening. He's my enemy… he's supposed to be my enemy… But I don't care. I can't fight him off. I don't want to. And as I stand here, in his arms, I come to terms with the fact that I have fallen in love with Harry Potter. And I'm ready to tell him everything.


	2. Breakthrough

Draco

After I finally start to calm down, Harry takes me by the hand and leads me down by the lake. We settle down by a tree.

"We're gonna miss class." I choke out, and then I scold myself for saying it. He's trying to save me, and all I can say is that we're going to miss class? I'm such an idiot. And I don't really deserve to be saved…

"I don't care." He says softly. "You're more important." My breath catches in my throat. Did he really just say that? He's blushing… does that mean something? Probably not… He's not gay and he'd never care that much about me. I'll never have him. More tears streak my face and I pull my knees up to my chest. "Why have you been cutting, Draco?" I take a deep breath. I don't know how to say this.

Harry

As I wait for Draco to answer me, I question myself as to why I said he's more important than missing class. It's true, of course, but my face got hot when I said it. Does that mean I like him? This is all so confusing.

"You saw why." He tells me, after he seems to think about it for a while. I'm confused for a moment but then I realise that he's talking about the boggart. My stomach feels sick.

"Do you… do you mean to tell me that you father… treats you like that all the time?" Oh god. I just though he was only afraid of what would happen if he knew he was gay…

Draco nods.

"He's worse than that most of the time." His voice breaks. "He doesn't know I'm gay though…"

"Well lets take that as a good thing." I say. "How long has he been…" I don't know how to finish the sentence.

"Abusing me?" He finishes for me. I nod. "Its okay, you can say it. I know he does. He's been treating me like that since I was about five years old…" His voice breaks again. Without thinking, I reach over and pull him towards me. He rests his forehead on my shoulders and I start to absentmindedly play with his hair. "I've gotten used to the beatings though," he continues. "It's the psychological shit that I can't handle."

"What do you mean?" I ask. This is making me feel sick. I can't believe anyone would treat their child like that. Even Lucius Malfoy.

Draco

My head is rested against his shoulder now. I haven't completely stopped crying, but they're silent tears. He wants to know what I mean by psychological… I think for a moment about how to explain.

"For one, I always have to be strong. I can't be afraid, and I'm not allowed to cry when he hits me. Because it's weak. And when he's not hitting me, he's pulling apart everything else. I'd be better off dead. Or, I'm pathetic and that no one wants me around…" I break off crying for a moment and he hugs me closer.

"It's not true, you know." He whispers. I sniff.

"How am I supposed to know that? No one around here wants me. I'm just Draco Malfoy. Son of a Death Eater, cold hearted arse who doesn't have feelings. And my parents certainly don't want me…" My words cut off yet again as I choke on a small sob.

"But I do." He whispers. "Besides, no one's ever gotten to know the real you." I shake my head into his shoulder.

"They'd still hate me if they did. I'm just a pathetic little boy who has to cut himself to deal with his father's abuse." I hate myself so much right now. Harry pulls away and turns my face so that I'm looking into his sparkling green eyes.

"Draco, listen to me. You're not pathetic. You've been through a lot, that's all." He wipes a few tears from my cheeks. He takes my arms and rolls up my sleeve. "And this," he says, showing me my cuts, "can be fixed. It's not too late. You're not alone anymore. You have me."

Harry

As soon as I've said it, I know it's true. I'm not going to stand off to the side and watch as he falls apart. I'm just starting to realise how much I care. He needs me, and I fully plan to be there for him. I wipe at his tears, and I suddenly am met by and urge to kiss him. I try to shake this off. I've never been attracted to another guy before. I don't know why I'm starting to now…. Draco is starting at me as though he doesn't believe that I actually exist.

"Do you promise?" He asks, quietly. His eyes are begging me to say yes.

"Of course I do." I whisper. Suddenly Draco starts to shake his head.

"No." He says. "No, you're lying." He's starting to cry again and it's breaking my heart.

"No, Draco, I'm not." I take his hands into mine. "You've got to believe me." His grey eyes stare into mine and I feel as though he's searching for the answer there.

"Every promise anyone's ever made to me has been broken…" I'm finally starting to see just how broken Draco really is…

"Not this one." I say. "And I understand that that's hard for you to believe since we've been rivals all this time… but I'm serious. I don't make promises that I can't keep." He stays silent so I grip his hands tighter in my own. "Let me help you. Please." I feel like I'm begging him but I'm not going to sit and watch him waste away. I couldn't handle that. He is silent for a long while. And then finally, he nods.

"I need you to understand something." He tells me.

"Anything." I tell him, thoroughly relieved that he's opening up to me.

"If you betray me, I won't be able to handle it." His words chill me to the bone. I know what he's implying. I nod.

"I know." I whisper. The bell rings behind us. We ignore it, and talk until lunch time.


	3. Advice and Realisations

Harry

When Draco and I walking into the Great Hall together, whispers follow us the entire way. He went of the Slytherin table and for once I feel a _little _bit more confident about his well being. Talking about his father seemed to help him a bit, and I told him if he needed to talk again to come find me. I sit down across from Ron and Hermione and pile food on to my plate.

"What was that about mate?" Ron asks me. Hermione looks at me curiously.

"Don't be mean to him." Is all I say. "Just don't."

"What do you mean, Harry?" Hermione asks me softly. I move closer to the two of them across the table.

"You have to promise not to tell anyone." I whisper. They both nod and I sigh. "Draco's been cutting himself."

"Oh my god." Hermione whispers under her breath. Ron raises his eyebrows, looking a little worried.

"Why?" he asks. I shake me head.

"I can't tell you that." I say. "But I've been talking to him. He was crying and… god there's a whole other side to him… just… don't be mean." I warn them. "He's a bit sensitive right now…" they both nod in understanding. I'm so lucky to have friends like them.

Later that night I find Hermione reading in the common room.

"Hey, Hermione?" I ask. She looks up from the gigantic book she's holding. I know she's listening. "I need some advice…" She closes the book and sets it on the table beside her.

"Sure, Harry, what's up?" I sit down across from her.

"It's about Draco…" She nods.

"I thought it might be. What do you need help with?" I rub the back of my neck nervously. I can't believe I'm about to tell her this.

"I… I don't know how to say this. After… talking to him for a while… and… seeing the other part of him…" I sigh. I may as well just come right out and say it. "I think I… like him. Like, _like _him." Hermione looks interested, but not surprised.

"Okay." She says. "That's understandable."

"But…" I continue. "I'm not gay… am I?" She seems to think about it for a moment.

"Well, Harry. If you think you have feelings for him… you might be." I put my face in my hands. This is all so confusing.

"But… what if it's just my mind freaking out? How do I know if I like him?"

"Harry?" Hermione asks suddenly. "Is Draco gay?" I nod. She looks surprised.

"Don't tell anyone." I say. She nods.

"Well," she says "What about him do you like?" she asks me. I think about it and start to talk without realising I'm saying anything.

"His eyes are this… stormy grey colour that I've never seen before. I feel like they go for miles. And he's very… nice looking." I blush. "When he's not smirking. And when he's not wearing that mask, he's so sensitive and… broken. Seeing him cry breaks my heart. I just want to take his pain away. I want to help him so badly it hurts. And… and earlier today… I actually wanted to kiss him… He just gets to me somehow. I hate seeing him in pain. And everything about him draws me in." Hermione looks intently at me.

"Harry…" she says slowly. "It sounds like you're in love."

Draco

Night is always the hardest. When I'm lying in the dark in the dorm room, there's nothing to distract me from the pain. Images of my father and my past abuse run through my head, and I can't stop the silent tears that make their way down my cheeks. I look around to be certain that the curtains around my four poster are entirely closed. I can't let my dorm mates see me crying. They'd never let me live it down. I sniff quietly and bury my face in my pillow. I hate nights like this. I want to get up and walk around. Stare at the stars and the moon. But I'd be too tempted to go to the top of the astronomy tower… and I promised Harry I wouldn't try to kill myself… ugh. I feel so alone right now. I can't stop myself from crying and I hate it so much. I want to cut, but Harry took my blade, and my potions knife isn't sharp enough anymore. So I just keep my face buried amongst my sheets and try to stay as quiet as possible. I try to make myself fall asleep, knowing that nothing but nightmares awaits me there. It's no use. It hurts so much… and it's nights like this when I don't want anything but to sleep and never wake. I try to content myself with thoughts of my own death but even that doesn't calm me down tonight. I don't know what to do anymore… if I don't calm myself down, someone with hear me…

Someone help.

I can't do this anymore.

Please, Harry.

Save me from myself.

Suddenly I know why I'm crying so hard.

Harry will never love me.


	4. I Need You

Draco

I close my eyes against the tears. The pain. This needs to stop and it needs to stop now. This is killing me. Here, in the middle of the night, when I need it most, I'm left without my blade. This is the longest amount of time that I've hurt this much without physically bleeding. Does Harry not understand that that blade is my escape? It's my only out of this, and he's taken it from me. He's not helping me, he's hurting me. Doesn't he know that?

I guess not.

Or maybe…

Maybe he doesn't care.

Shit.

Will someone save me please?

I don't notice that my crying has become audible until Blaise speaks to me.

"What are you crying for?" I sniff and wipe at my eyes.

"I'm not crying..." I say. My voice shakes and I sound defensive. Shit. Let's make the hardest night of my life even worse shall we? I hear Blaise scoff somewhere beyond the view of my curtain.

"My arse." He says. "What the fuck's the matter Malfoy? Say it and get it over so we can all sleep." I resist the urge to get out of bed and hit him with something heavy. I can't tell him. And even if I could I wouldn't. It's clear to me that he doesn't care.

Just like everyone else. I sniff again.

"When's the last time _you _cried Blaise?" I ask, appalled at how awful and shaky my voice sounds. "You should know it's not that easy to stop yourself sometimes…" I trail off. I wonder why I'm even _trying _to defend myself against him. I'm just setting myself up for a fall… I hear him scoff again.

"I don't remember Malfoy." He tells me. "Clearly, I'm stronger than you are." I ignore him and try to calm myself down, which just forces out a strangled sob. "Jesus!" He says when he hears me still in tears. "What are you blubbering about? You're a Slytherin you know. You should act like it." He's clearly annoyed with me.

"Fuck off." I mumble, hating myself more and more by the second for not being able to put my mask back in place. He just scoffs again.

"I should write to your father, Malfoy." The tears run faster as images run through my head.

"Shut the fuck up Blaise! Don't talk about my father!" I press my hands to my eyes. The images are getting so bad I'm starting to lose contact with reality. He continues to mock me.

"Dear Mr. Malfoy," he says, "sorry to bother you, but I'd like to inform you that your son was up crying last night, preventing the rest of us from sleeping. I know you're disappointed that he's such a pussy, but I figured it was your right to…" He doesn't finish. In an instant I'm out of bed and on top of Blaise, hitting every inch of him that I can reach. I'm still crying, I know, and this is going to cause major problems, but I can't stop myself.

By this point Crabbe and Goyle have finally woken up and are trying to pull me off. When they do, my lip is bleeding, and my cheek is bruising, and sobs are wrenching themselves from my body. This is embarrassing. Suddenly I find myself desperately wishing that Harry was here…

Snape bursts through the doorway an instant later, looking furious.

"What in the hell is going on in here?" Blaise jumps up.

"I don't know professor, he just attacked me!" He says. Anger blinds me.

"Bullshit! You knew what you were doing and you kept at it anyway!"

"That is enough, Mr. Malfoy!" Snape yells. "Come with me to the Hospital wing, both of you! Malfoy, you will be seeing me in detention tomorrow night."

Harry

I lay awake, thinking about everything that Hermione said. Love. I can't be in love, can I? I mean… I just _met_ him. Well, not technically, but for all intensive purposes we've only known each other for a day… I got butterflies in my stomach though when she said it… But, he's a guy. I'm a guy. I'm not gay. But I might be. I'm so confused!

I sit up right. I can't sleep through this. I grab my cloak and sneak quietly out the door. Usually on nights like this, I go out and watch the lake. Hermione is asleep in an armchair by the fire. I shake her gently. She stirs.

"Where are you going?" She whispers, noting my cloak. Shit. Maybe I should have let her sleep. What if she tries to stop me?

"Out." I say simply. "I can't sleep." She nods.

"Don't get caught." She says sleepily, and wanders up to the girls dormitories. I smile, and head out the portrait hole.

I'm nearly at the lake when I'm startled by Snape's voice. I duck behind a corner and watch as he stalks down the hallway, escorting both Draco and Blaise Zambini. Draco's lip is bleeding… and he's been crying. Oh god. Is he okay? I'm so worried I feel sick. Shit. Maybe I am in love.

"Fighting! In the middle of the night too!" Well that explains what happened… I step back in the shadows and let them pass. My mind conflicts with itself. What if Draco needs me? He's crying… I want to help! Snape is probably taking them to the hospital wing. I'll wait till Zambini leaves and then go make sure he's alright. I don't know if Draco would want to be seen with me…

Draco

I'm sitting on a cot in the hospital wing. Snape has written to my father and Madam Pomfrey has insisted that I stay here for the night to "evaluate my psychological well being". She seems to think that my attacking Blaise wasn't because he provoked me, but from an emotional breakdown. She doesn't know that I cry almost every night. It just got out of hand this time. So I just sit on the cot, making myself not cry. It's very difficult to do.

She comes over to examine me.

She sees my cuts.

I want Harry.

I start to cry. Fuck! Why can't I control myself? Madam Pomfrey starts going on about the dangers of self harm. She's just scolding me. She doesn't seem to care that I'm crying or that I'm upset, she's just scolding me, in a tone of voice that makes it sound like I've committed a horrible crime. This doesn't make it any easier for me to stop crying. I'm quickly growing angry.

At her.

At myself.

My father.

Life.

I want it gone. I want it to end. Most of all, I want my knife.

And I still want Harry. Need him. He showed me what it feels like to be comforted for the first time in my life. I need that again. Because the matron won't comfort me. I beg her not to tell my father. She claims she won't. Just that she doesn't want to see any more in the future.

No promises.

Harry

As Blaise leaves I wait a moment and watch, invisible, from the doorway. Oh fuck. Madam Pomfrey's seen his cuts. She's scolding him and I want to hex her. Don't scold him! Comfort him! Tell him everything will be okay, don't make him feel worse! Can't you see him crying? After a moment it becomes too much for me to take. I remove the robe and step into the room.

"Madam Pomfrey?" I ask, "May I speak with Draco, please?" I say this as though it's perfectly normal for me to be in the hospital wing at 12:30, asking to speak to someone who is supposedly my arch rival. Draco looks as though he won't believe what he's seeing, and it becomes clear to me that he thinks he's imagining things. Madam Pomfrey looks bewildered, but answers me.

"Talk to him tomorrow, Mr. Potter, we're having a… private discussion about a confidential matter." I step in, defiantly.

"About his cuts?" I ask, challenging her. "I already know about those so if you don't mind, give me a minute please." She hesitates, and Draco looks at her pleadingly through his tears. She looks annoyed.

"Very well then." She says. She gets up and shuffles away, clearly very confused. Draco stares.

Draco

He's here. This can't be real. I must be dreaming. I reach out. I have to touch him. I have to know that I'm not hallucinating. He's real. Oh my god. He pulls me into my arms, and I finally allow myself to cry freely, without making any attempt to stop.

"Shh, Draco. Shh. It's okay. It's okay." He whispers. He rocks me slightly back and forth. "It's okay. What happened?" He asks. It takes me a moment before I can get in a good breath to answer.

"I was fighting with Blaise…" I say. "Why are you here?" I ask.

"I couldn't sleep so I was out walking around." He tells me. "I saw you come through with Snape." He pulls away and tenderly wipes at my tears. "What happened?" He asks again. I sniff.

"I was crying…" I start slowly, feeling myself blush. "And Blaise heard me and started mocking me about writing to father. I lost it." I tell him. The next bit comes out in a rush. "Now Madam Pomfrey's gone and written to him about the fight and… and she knows about my cuts!" I finish, starting to cry harder. He pulls me to him again.

"It's okay. Shh." I shake my head into his shoulder.

"What if it's not?" I ask.

"Then I'll still be here for you." He says softly. The tears become sobs. I want to believe him. I want to believe him so much. But I don't know if I can. The urge to cut is still there. I need it. I need it to calm down.

"Why did you take my blade?" I ask him, sounding nearly angry. Well, as close to angry as one can get when they're sobbing. I must seem so pathetic… I hate myself so much. He rubs my back, seeming not at all bothered by my excessive tears.

"Because you don't need it." He says.

But I do.

Harry

I feel like _I _want to cry. He's so desperate. He's become addicted to the cuts and that scares me so much. What if he gets carried away? What if… what if he cuts too deep… and I lose him. Oh god. I hug him as close to me as I can. Shit… I think I _am _in love. I can't bear the thought of losing him.

"I don't want to lose you, Draco." I whisper. My voice wavers a little, and I tell myself I need to be strong for him.

"It wouldn't be a loss." He mumbles, no longer sobbing, but still crying. I pull away and look into his teary, grey eyes.

"Yes it would." I say firmly. "It would be a loss to me." I feel a tear escape down my cheek, and I scold myself. This is no time to get emotional. I wipe it away, frustrated with myself. I don't understand it…

Just the thought of losing him is enough to make me cry.

Fuck.

If that isn't love, then what is?

"Do you promise?" He whispers. I nod vigorously

"Of course I promise." I tell him. "Please," I beg, "Stop hurting yourself. I can't stand seeing you do this. I can't let you slip away from me…" My voice breaks and I lose all hope at denying Hermione's suspicions. Shit. How the hell did I fall in love with Draco Malfoy?

Draco

For the next hour, Harry just holds me. I cry, and he just tells me that everything will be okay. I keep my head buried in his shoulder, and just cry. No words are necessary right now. My love for him is increasing by the minute. No one _no one_ has ever let me do this. I think that's why there are so many tears. My whole life, I haven't been allowed to be weak. I've always gotten hell for crying. And now, he's comforting me. I love him so much for allowing me to do this…

I hear high-healed footsteps. Madam Pomfrey is here.

"I hate to break this up," she says, for once sounding sympathetic. "But it's nearly two." I lift my head up and wipe my eyes. I ignore the matron and look at Harry.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, looking desperately into his eyes. He looks confused.

"What on earth are you apologising for, Draco?" He gently brushes a few left over tears from my checks. I look down at my hands, blushing.

"For crying like this." I say softly. "It's just… no one's ever let me…" He tilts my chin up so that I'm looking at him.

"Don't _ever_ apologise for crying, Draco." He whispers. I look down again. "No, look at me." He says. I do. "Its gonna happen whether you want it to or not. The tears. If you keep it all back it will all hit you at once, where you least want it to. If you need to cry, then cry. I'm right here." I nod. Madam Pomfrey clears her throat.

"Go." I whisper in a wavering voice. Harry doesn't budge.

"Are you going to be okay?" He asks. I say nothing for a moment, and then nod slowly.

"Yeah." He gives me one last hug.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He says. Then he leaves. For once, I don't want to cut right now.

I curl up on the lumpy cot, and for the first time in over a year, I sleep without nightmares.


	5. No Longer an Option

When I get back to the dormitory, I don't go right to sleep. I need to mull things over for a bit. To just sit in the silence and think. I think I might actually be in love. I don't understand it. I sit in the dark, trying to remember if I'd ever had an attraction to another guy…

I can't think of anything.

So how can I suddenly be gay now?

Did Draco Malfoy turn me gay?

Jesus, this has to be the weirdest and most unexpected thing to have ever happened. I just… feel so connected to him. I sigh and pull up my sweater sleeve. I focus on the light scars on my arm. I _am _connected to him. Maybe this is meant to be. I shudder, trying to imagine how horrible it would be to find him unconscious in a pool of blood. He needs me.

I need him.

I can't let him do this to himself anymore. I make a mental note to meet him at the infirmary before he leaves tomorrow, and then crawl under my covers. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to sleep with so much running through my mind, but I should at least attempt.

After a bit of restless tossing and turning, I fall in to a fitful sleep.

_I'm wondering down the hallway, with no specific destination in mind. The wind blows my hair gently, coming in through the open castle door. The sun shines bright, and birds sing. Yet, I feel as though I'm missing something. Suddenly someone hugs me from behind. I turn. It's him. I smile as the breeze jostles his white blonde hair. I turn around to hug him properly, and I no longer feel as if I am missing anything. His soft lips brush mine, and I've never been happier. _

_I close my eyes._

_When I open them, _

_He is gone. _

_Suddenly everything is dark. The light is red. I search frantically. He's nowhere to be found. The fierce wind whistles and howls as I cry and shout his name into the night. Yet, his angelic voice refuses to answer. _

_I run._

_Half blinded by tears, I run. _

_Though the night, the castle._

_Calling_

_Searching_

_Crying_

_My foot feels something wet and sticky on the stone floor. Crimson wetness. Blood. I follow the trail, sobs shaking my body._

_No._

_No._

_No._

_STOP! There he is! I rush towards the unmoving figure of my only love. I shake him. _

_No response. I laugh; he'd always been a heavy sleeper. I shake him again. He is cold._

_No. NO! _

_He's just sleeping that's all. I just need to wake him up. That's not blood. His wrists are NOT bleeding._

_He can't be dead. NO!_

_NO! NO PLEASE! DON'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!_

_I scream into the night. _

I wake to see Ron standing over me, pale white. It takes me a few seconds to realize it, but I'm crying. I reach out to Ron, needing to feel close to someone.

Anyone.

He hugs me, allowing me to cry for a few moments into his shoulder. When I look up, he seems terrified. He's afraid I'm going through _it_ again. This can't be a pleasant sense of déjà vu. This used to happen a lot…

"You alright mate?" I nod, and wipe at my tears.

"Bad dream." I mumble.

"No shit, Harry. Tell me what happened." I blush.

"It was about Draco." Ron looks a little confused.

"Okay…" He says. "Are you alright?"

"He was dead!" I say, shaking my head. He sits down next to me on my bed and puts an arm on me.

"Christ, Harry." He says, rubbing my back. "Since when do you care this much about Malfoy?" He asks.

"You haven't seen the side of him that I have." I tell him. I look up at Ron. "I think I… I think I love him." I say. He looks curiously at me.

"I never knew you were gay." He doesn't seem disgusted or even uncomfortable, just surprised. I feel relieved. I was afraid of how he might take it.

"Neither did I." I say, starting to calm down. "Not until really recently. Unless most straight guys have… wanted to kiss another dude." Ron laughs a bit and shakes his head.

"No, not really mate." I laugh a little myself.

"Then I guess you can say I'm gay." I say. "For Draco Malfoy of all people." I add with a mumble. I look at him, worried that he might be repulsed.

"Well that certainly unexpected." He says with amusement. "I don't like him much, but if its want then I won't stop you." I grin, feeling like a weight's been lifted off my chest. I'm glad to have that out there.

"Thanks, Ron." I say, hugging him. He smiles and then yawns.

"You gonna be alright?" He asks me. I nod.

"Yeah I'm fine." Ron smiles weakly and yawns again.

"Okay cool. Can I go back to bed now?" He asks. I laugh. He looks like he's going to fall over dead.

"Yes, Ron."

"Goodnight." He says. About five minutes later I hear snoring.

Draco

When I wake up, I feel strange. It takes me a moment to figure out what's so strange about it. Then it hits me. For once, I actually feel rested. I smile to myself. I look around to see an empty hospital wing. I'm on my way out when Madam Pomfrey rushes in out of nowhere and guides me back to my cot. I look at her impatiently.

"What?" I ask in clear annoyance.

"Arm." She says firmly. I glare at her, yank my sleeve up, and shove in her face. My good mood is quickly being ruined. She inspects my wrists as though she has no idea that I'm about ready to slap her. It's not like she _cares_ about whether or not I found a way to slash myself up last night. She just wants to find a new reason to say I'm crazy.

Hate to break it to ya, Pomfrey.

I'm not crazy.

I just have a death wish.

When the matron seems satisfied with the status of my wrists, she gently pulls my sleeves back down over the cuts that are already there. I give her a glare that could possibly rival that of a basilisk and ask her if I can leave.

"Not yet, Mr. Malfoy." She says. "We need to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about." I say shortly. She raises her eyebrows. "It's none of your business why I cut myself so leave it alone. I'm fine." Fine. What a lie.

"I wouldn't say you're fine." She says quietly. Though this statement puts a lump in my throat simply out of knowing how right she is, I manage to keep my voice ice cold. My glare refuses to falter.

"Who are you, a therapist?" I ask, my tone harsh and biting. "I don't think you have that right to make that assessment. Only I do. And I say I'm fine." Suddenly her tone goes from firm to gentle.

"I'm worried about you." I fight back an urge to hex her. She's trying to get it out of me by being sympathetic.

"Fuck off." I tell her, standing up. "It's not like you really care." I mumble on my way out.

I open the door hard enough for it to slam into the wall, and in my blind anger and confusion I run head-on to someone on their way in. Whoever it is grabs my shoulders and keeps me from getting into the hall. I'm forced to look up from my shoes. I stop breathing for a moment. It's Harry. He looks concerned. His emerald eyes search my grey ones.

"What's wrong?" He asks, looking genuinely worried, which is not something that I'm used to. I look past him at the stone wall, keeping myself together.

"She doesn't care." I say. "She's trying to pretend she does but she doesn't really give a shit about me." My voice breaks a little bit and I scold myself. Why is it that when I'm around Harry, I have _no_ control over myself? I'm not going to cry. Not over this. I must be getting worse if this is getting to me. Thankfully my body seems to listen to me for once. I'm not crying. Harry is hugging me again, and I melt into his touch. He promised me. If all goes wrong, for once, I have someone to run to.

For the second time today, I feel myself smiling. It feels like it's been years since I've had a reason to smile, and it occurs to me that it probably _has_ been years.

I have someone who cares. When Harry releases me I feel oddly empty. He smiles at me. There's a look in his eyes that I can't quite identify.

"Let's go." He says, with a sparkle in his eyes. I'm confused, but that sparkle makes me want to take his hand and do whatever he says. I trust him more than I've ever trusted anyone in my life.

"Go where?" I ask him, trying to keep my fantasies in check. Fantasies that involve him whisking me away to moonlit field surrounded by rose petals where no one can hurt me again.

Go ahead.

Laugh.

I'm a hopeless romantic.

"You think I'm going to let you go sit by yourself with a bunch of Slytherin arseholes? You need breakfast. Come on."

I feel my insides disappear.

Harry

Any colour left in Draco's face seems to disappear. I grab his hand in fear that he might pass out or be sick. He grips it back tightly and appears to go off in his own train of thought.

"But they hate me." He whispers. I keep hold to his hand and lead him into the corridor.

"They don't know you." I say gently. "They're not like Slytherins. They accept people for who they are. If you don't act like an arsehole they'll be glad to have you." Draco looks genuinely terrified and I'm starting to realise that this comes from a fear of rejection.

"Are you okay?" I ask him gently. He nods. And his eyes search mine.

"You promise they won't be mean?" I smile. He seems so childlike.

"Of course I do, Draco." He's still searching.

"I'm not imposing…?" I push a strand of hair from his eyes.

"Of course not, Draco. Don't be silly." He seems unsure for a few moments, but smiles, a weak little smile that makes my heart flutter. Okay. I'm gay. I'm ready to shout this to the world. But I'll stay quiet for now.

"Thank you." He says quietly.

"I wouldn't want it any other way." I tell him. He laughs a little.

"Can I go change?" He asks. I laugh. He's in a T-shirt and a pair of pajama pants. I'd forgotten he was dragged in here in the middle of the night.

I walk with Draco to the Slytherin common rooms and wait for him outside the door.

When he returns, his hair has been combed; he's wearing clothes, and carrying a book bag. The top two buttons of his shirt are undone and his tie is loose. Despite the fact that his eyes are still a little red from crying so much last night, he looks amazing. I wonder if my eyes are red too. I doubt it. I wasn't crying nearly as much as he was. I wince as I remember how broken he was. How broken he _is_.

He still looks scared. He's so terrified of being sent away. It breaks my heart.

We walk to the Great Hall, and I watch his hands shake. When we get to the table, Draco lags a few steps behind me, almost as if he's trying to hide. Hermione and Ron look up. Hermione smiles. Neither of them seems surprised to see Draco there. I carefully inspect the reactions of the other Gryffindors. They seem suspicious, but not angry. I think they can sense Draco's insecurity. Maybe see his bloodshot eyes. It's not exactly hard to tell that he's been crying.

"Hey." I say casually. "Draco's going to be sitting with us today." I say plainly. I leave no room for discussion. They both nod. I sit down and pull out a chair for Draco. He's chalk white. Hermione smiles cheerfully at him.

"Good morning, Draco. Did you sleep well?" He nods.

After sitting with us for a while, he seems to calm down a bit. He's starting to realise that no one has a problem with him being here. And he's actually eating, which gives me some relief. For some reason I'm getting the feeling that he hasn't been eating much lately.

Hermione seems to be determined to not let him feel uncomfortable. She's asking questions, and Draco's participating in conversation, which I'm very glad to see. He needs to feel as supported as possible. Even Ron is making in effort to make him fit in.

Draco

Surprisingly, I feel more comfortable at the Gryffindor table than I did with the Slytherins. They don't seem to mind me being here. After a moment I realise that I'm actually hungry. I haven't been able to eat without feeling nauseous for a few days. I smile a bit. Harry's taking care of me. I'm still afraid I'll say something stupid that will make everyone hate me though. So I don't talk too much.

There's a screech from overhead, and I look up to see about a hundred owls swooping in.

Post's here.

Just as I began to feel a little better, a little accepted, it has to be ripped from under me. I feel sick. Pomfrey wrote to my father… I feel myself go pale as I see my father's eagle owl headed towards me. Even the bird looks stern. It reminds me of him and my stomach turns. Harry is looking at me worriedly as his snowy owl lands gently in front of him.

Father's owl lands, and with a shaking hand, I remove the envelope tied to his leg. I open it gently, terrified.

_Draco,_

_I am absolutely appalled at you. I have been informed by Madam Pomfrey that you were brought into the infirmary last night by Professor Snape because you were __**fighting**__ with Mr. Zambini. May I remind you, that the Zambini family are an important connection to have, and I will be damned if I let my worthless excuse for a son spoil our connections with another renowned pureblood family. On top of this, I was informed that you were __**crying**__, and Madam Pomfrey told me she was concerned for your "emotional wellbeing". I am warning you now boy, you are going to be punished severely when you return home. You are a Slytherin, and more importantly, a Malfoy. You better start acting like one or mark my words you'll wish you'd never been born. Malfoy's don't cry. I am disappointed and disgusted that my own son is such a weak pathetic pansy and god help me if I ever hear of you crying like that again, keeping up your dorm mates, there will be even higher hell to pay. Pull yourself together. Your grades have been slipping and you know that that is not an option. You better start acting like a Malfoy boy or I will pull you out of that school immediately and school you myself, with my own rules. You don't want that I promise you. My punishments will be much more severe than a detention; I can assure you of that. The Dark Lord needs your assistance and you will stop being soft. You are not to cry in front of me at home and you are certainly not to go about Hogwarts whimpering and whining like a pathetic little girl. I do hope you take this letter to serious consideration, because if your __behaviours__ do not change I will beat you so badly you won't know your own name. _

_Ashamed and Appalled,_

_Lucius. _

I fold the letter up and shove it in my pocket, forcing back tears. I mustn't cry. I shove the food around on my plate, pretending nothing happened. But I don't eat. I'll be sick if I do.

Harry

Draco shoves the letter in his pocket and says nothing. He's pushing the food around on his plate, and I'm worried that he's holding back everything that he shouldn't. I place my hand on his shoulder. His hand stops pushing his fork around, but he doesn't look up from his food.

"Are you okay?" I ask him.

"I'm fine." He responds. His voice is entirely monotonous. I'm almost certain that he isn't fine, but the bell rings before I get a chance to press.

I reluctantly walk with him to potions, instinctively sitting beside him. He stares straight ahead. He appears to be feeling nothing at all, which I find much more worrisome than would be if he had burst into tears. At least then he'd be letting it out. Hermione looks at me across the classroom, a question in her eyes. Draco's scaring me, and she seems to realise it.

The class progresses, and ends. My next lesson is Transfiguration, with the Ravenclaws. I don't like that fact that I can't keep an eye on him. That letter had to have been from his father. I walk silently with Ron and Hermione to Transfiguration.

Needless to say, I have difficulty concentrating.

When I get to Charms, once again with the Slytherins, I'm completely relieved to see that Draco's in class. When I sit down next to him I ask how he's doing.

"I'm okay." He says. Somehow he sounds more like he's reassuring himself, and not me.

Flitwick comes to the front of the room, and I reluctantly take notes, knowing that I can't afford failing this class.

Draco

I should be taking notes. Like father said, if my grades keep slipping he'll "make me wish I'd never been born."

But I already wish I'd never been born... but I was. And now I wish I could just end it all.

I probably can.

I take out my notebook and flip through it, past some of my drawings, suicide notes, and journal entries and leave it open to a blank page. I take a few sentences of notes before I get side tracked by the words in my father's letter. I refuse to cry about it. Not here. Not now. Not ever. I glance over at Harry, who's intently listening to professor Flitwick. I dip my quill in my inkpot and start to sketch.

A dying rose.

A bloody knife.

A noose.

A rose is the most painful thing, I write, It draws you in until it leaves you broken. Lost, alone, and covered in thorns. I jump down a line.

I am broken enough. It's time for me to go.

I draw, write and rant onto the pages of my notebook until I can take it no more. The class is over in twenty minutes, but I can't do this. Father's letter is playing in my head. I want to cry. Crying's not an option.

Not here.

Not now.

Not ever.

I raise my hand and ask to use the bathroom. I've got to make the tears stop coming.

Harry

The bell rings at the end of the period. I look around. Draco hasn't returned from the loo. It's been twenty minutes. He should be back by now.

I feel myself go pale. Hermione and Ron come over to me, asking what I look so worried about.

"It's Draco." I say. "He's not back yet." His notebook is still on the desk. I open it, and flip through the pages. It's filled with drawings. Suicide notes. I stop breathing.

Oh god.

Draco.


	6. Confessions, Pleas and Mistrust

**AN: Well here it is! Haha. You guys replied so fast to my last post that my motivation returned. Thanks for all the support. If you'd like, feel free to tell others about this story as well :p The more reviews the better. Thank you guys so much for following me this far ******

Draco

Why isn't this working?

Why?

I'm in an upstairs lavatory, and for whatever reason, Moaning Myrtle is howling and crying over me.

"Oooo! Stop! Please don't do this to yourself!" I ignore her. All I'm paying attention to is the fact that I can still hear father's voice in my mind.

And I still want to cry.

Fuck. I take the blade and feel that clean slicing sensation that I'm constantly craving, I watch the blood. I cut deeper.

But it's not working.

The tears are still coming,

Closer,

Closer, to spilling over. I feel lightheaded. My wrists are cut to ribbons, and it's still not good enough.

I'm starting to panic. This always calms me down…

So I'll just give up.

Throw in the towel.

I slice the blade down the artery. From the wrist, to the elbow, and do the same thing to the other arm. I don't need to worry about a suicide note. There's plenty in my journal and when they go through my things, to toss them out, they'll know.

I just want to be done.

Harry

I'm running in a blind panic down the crowded corridors, with Ron and Hermione following quickly behind. I have no idea where he could be, but I don't have to time to go get the map. I hear wailing.

Myrtle.

"Stop! Please! Help, someone help!"

Draco.

I rush through the doors.

Draco

Someone bursts in. It takes me a moment to realise that it's Harry, my vision is going blurry. No.

I don't want to be saved…

I just want the pain to end.

I don't want them to see this. I don't want Harry to see this. Is he crying? Oh, Harry, don't cry. It's okay. I want to die. Granger kneels down beside me as my vision begins to go in and out.

"Draco," she says, "Can you hear me? Are you with us?" I nod. Go away. I wish I could tell her to go away. Her voice, Harry's sobs, Ron's reassurance, they all sound so distant. I feel myself moving further and further away. Soon the distance will be permanent… For once, I feel content. I'm almost done…

Now if only I could tell Hermione to leave me here…

Harry

Draco! Oh god.

No.

This can't be happening! I feel the tears staining my cheeks and I feel the air itself crash around me. I feel so helpless standing back and watching as Hermione does all she can to help him… But I have no idea what to do. All I can manage is to stand here and cry as Hermione wraps materialised bandages around his wrists, talking to him softly. At a terrifyingly fast pace, the bits of white cloth become saturated, turning a deep, sickening red. What if she can't stop the bleeding?

I think I'm going to be sick. I don't think I can handle much more of this. I kneel down beside Hermione as she finishes wrapping the bandages and grab Draco's hand.

"Stay with me, Draco." I beg, sobbing. "Please. Oh god!"

"He's lost a lot of blood." Hermione says quietly. "I'm going to need a replenishing potion. Soon." She looks at me meaningfully, and I suddenly feel like a have a purpose. There's something I can do…

"I'm on it." I say. In an instant I'm up and running out of the lavatory, nearly blind by my tears. I can hear myself crying now.

Hospital Wing. Where's the hospital wing? I stop for a moment, needing desperately to get my baring on my surroundings. But all I can see is Draco.

Draco, bleeding. I choke out a sob and look around, frantically.

Draco

Hermione's talking to me.

"It's going to be okay Draco." She says softly. She seems surprisingly calm. For some reason I get the feeling that she's done this before. "This is why you can't be cutting yourself like this." She pauses. "But this wasn't an accident was it?"

"Mione," I hear Weasley rasp. His voice is weak, and for some reason, he sounds panicked.

"What Ron?" she asks, impatiently. My eyelids flutter closed.

"I don't like this." He says. His voice is choked. "It's too familiar." His words break at the end.

Familiar?

What does he mean?

"I know, Ron." She sounds sympathetic now.

Suddenly their voices echo and I can't understand what they're saying. I dizzy. As though I was placed on a roundabout, moving tenfold its normal speed, and then thrown off again. And everything is fading. In and out. Black and white. What's going on? Am I finally dying?

Harry

The hospital wing! I've found it! I burst through the doors to find an empty room. Where the fuck is Madam Pomfrey?!

My eye catches on a shelf of medicines. I feel my inner organs drop to my feet. A dreadful hope fills my body…

Please. Please. I approach the shelf, and scan the labels desperately, the tears running faster with every label that isn't what I want. A horrible, horrible thought strikes me.

What if it's not here?

Oh god.

Draco please be okay.

Just as I'm about to give up, and drop to the floor in agony, unable to bear this any longer, a deep red potion catches my eye. My heart jumps to my throat, and I have to clear my eyes to read the label properly.

Blood Replenisher

Oh thank god.

Draco

Harry rushes into the room, holding something, speaking franticly. I can't understand what he's saying. His words sound as though he's speaking into a pillow that's been pressed hard to his face. I can't focus on his face, but he seems hopeful. Tears fill my eyes. I'm going to live through this aren't I?

Suddenly, something liquid and salty is poured down my throat. I choke and retch, and I have no option other than to swallow. Instantly, a warm sensation is thrusted throughout my body, and Harry's deep green eyes come into view, tear-filled, bloodshot, and desperate.

"Draco." He chokes. "What's the matter with you? What were you THINKING?" He's sobbing, and his words don't hold the affliction that they'd normally have. "Did you stop for one second to think about how this would affect someone ELSE?! I thought I'd LOST YOU!" He breaks off crying and suddenly I feel the warm trails of tears on my own cheeks. I look don't at my wrists, which are still bleeding. Harry gathers me up in his arms, and holds me tighter and with more love than anyone's ever offered me in my life.

Before I even gain the capacity to realise it, I'm sobbing, wrenching, painful sobs, my face buried deep into his shoulder. Harry is crying with me.

"Don't let go…" I beg. "Don't let go. Please!"

Harry

He's begging me not to let go. I would never imagine such a thing. Why doesn't he understand, that the very last thing that I want to do right now is let go if him? It would be a miracle if I ever let go of him at all. I can't lose him like that.

"I won't let go. I won't let go." I break off, crying again. "What happened? Why?" If possible, Draco weeps louder to this. I hold him tighter as I hear Ron and Hermione slip themselves out, knowing this is a private moment. I remind myself to apologise to them for putting them through the exact same hardship in the previous year.

"My- M-My father!" He manages to stutter through his excessive tears. "I-I have the l-letter… I'd be b-better off this w-way." Sadly, through the tears of my own, I can see it in his eyes that he believes whole heartedly that what he'd just said is true. "No one loves me…" He continues miserably. I can see that his strength is returning, and the emotions and feelings surfacing more than he could handle. "No one… really needs me…" His grey eyes are clouded. There's no light, no sparkle. He's lost all hope, and sickeningly, I'm almost certain that if I leave him alone at all tonight, he'll try this again. I tilt his chin up so his eyes are reading mine.

"Draco, you've got to believe me." I tell him, wiping tears from my own cheeks. "I need you more than you could ever know. I love you. I didn't think it was possible but I've fallen in love with you. And then…" The tears well right back up again. "And then you go and pull a stunt like this… Oh god. Draco… you scared me so much I wanted to curl up and die with you. I'm probably never going to trust you again." I whisper. His eyes are staring, searching, desperately reading me. My heart breaks.

He wants to believe it.

But he can't.

Draco

My heart flutters and swells like a balloon. Harry Potter just said that he loves me. The balloon bursts. I must me dreaming. Hallucinating. Imagination.

Because he could never love me…

"You're lying…" I whisper. Suddenly, I'm angry. How dare he save me? I wanted to die. And on top of that, he's taking my biggest, and most desperate wish, and using it against me. Mocking me. Harry smiles warmly. If I didn't still feel weak, I would have hit him by now.

"I'm not lying." He whispers back. My lower lip trembles. Harry. What have you done to me? His tear streaked face become gradually closer to my own. Butterflies flutter deep within my stomach.

He's coming closer.

Closer.

Harry Potter's soft, gentle lips brush against my own, and for the first time in my pathetic life, I forget my pain. If only for a single moment, that deep agony that is constantly following my miserable existence, is forgotten. I kiss him back hungrily, delving into his touch, memorising his taste. I'm trying to understand. I'm crying, the tears running in steady streams down my face. Partly, in love, and partly, I'm in mourning for the fact that this is the very first time that anybody has ever felt anything but hate towards me.

But as soon as it has started, this kiss has ended, and I'm staring deeply into his eyes.

Draco

The love and compassion shining within Draco's bloodshot, teary gray eyes is utterly overwhelming. It couldn't be any clearer that he returns my inner passion and longing. And I think that for the first time, this isn't lust in this person's eyes. This is different. This is love.

"I love you." I whisper.

"I l-love you too." I can tell he means it, but I can tell that he's terrified. And he has not yet stopped crying.

"Are you okay?" I ask, knowing the answer. He shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut. I nod lightly at the expected response. "How do you feel? Are you dizzy? Can you stand?"

"Okay…" he says. I can see the misery setting back in, and it dawns on me just how needy Draco is going to be. I am more than willing to be right there beside him. As he makes his way to stand, I do so as well, offering a helping hand. His entire body shakes with the effort to stand. He is still very unsteady on his feet. I grab his hand.

"You need to rest." I tell him softly. "And I don't trust you to go back to your dormitory on your own." Draco looks away, blushing adorably. I reach out and try to stop some of his constant tears. I don't want him to cry anymore… it hurts me so much. "You're going to come back to Gryffindor tower with me." I tell him. "After you rest, we have a lot to talk about." He nods without protest, and I realise how exhausted he is.

"Will you stay with me?" He never ceases to amaze me with how vulnerable he can seem.

"Of course. I will be there always. Forever."

Draco collapses, crying once again into my arms.


	7. Talks and Repurcussions

**Sorry guys, this one's a bit short. I'll add another very soon. PLEASE review. PLEEAASE. I apologise for my last chapter. I wasn't my best and there were a lot of mistakes. I wrote it in a hurry, and I was attempting to detail cutting and a suicide attempt without triggering myself. (hard work ppl). I will add more chapters soon. Thanks for reading. **

Harry

I lead Draco gently down the corridor, keeping a cautious watch on him, lest he might fall. Knowing first-handedly how dizzy he is right now, I'm carful to hold him tightly. I hear him sniff, and I note that Draco has not yet lost the blank, hopeless look that's taken refuge in his beautiful grey eyes. I swallow a lump in my throat, and despite how desperately glad I am that he's alive, I can't help but reprimand him. I'm still a little resentful that he put me through that. Although, I can't help but feel slightly hypocritical. Did I not do the same thing to Ron and Hermione only a year before?

"You know I'm not going to be letting me out of my sight any time soon." He nods mournfully.

"You're right not to." I wince. It would have been easier for him to argue. By not, he's assuring me that he still wants it to end. Suddenly, Draco stops and looks at me, a need for me to understand radiating from his entire body.

"You've given me so much to live for Harry, but it scares me." He says. His voice is still weak, and strained from his recent sobbing. "I'm…" I see tears well again and I'm ready to stop the world just to make him happy. "I'm broken Harry." I can tell that it's the first time he's admitted this out loud. "I want… need… you to fix me. But I don't… I don't know if you can. I don't know if anyone can. I still… I still just… want it gone." He looks at me as though he's begging forgiveness, afraid that he's offended me in some way.

"I know." I tell him, horrified to hear that my voice is choked. "I know, Draco. And I'm going to do my best to fix this. And as hard as it is for you, I need you to make an effort as well. Try for me. Please." I watch him nod.

"I will." He whispers. I lean forward and kiss him softly, ignoring the shocked gasp of a passing first year. I probably just gave the poor girl a heart attack, but all that matters in the world right now is in my arms.

Draco

When the kiss breaks, everything in the hallway darkens for a second, as though I'm still bleeding. I feel myself wobble. Harry grabs me tightly, his emerald eyes swimming in concern. I feel regret for what I did, but not enough for the urge to try again to go away. It all still hurts too much.

"Come on. You've got to lie down." I nod, too tired to speak. It registers with me that he's most likely never going to trust me again. I contemplate this, trying to decide whether or not I'm annoyed, or thankful. Most would assume that the prospect of being followed around by a babysitter would be rather irritating, but something about the fact that he's doing it out of care and concern changes the dynamics a bit. If I'd been discovered by an adult, and sent to Saint Mungos, they would have placed me on Suicide Watch, which would have been much more irking.

Just as I've reached the conclusion that I'd rather have Harry follow me around than some random healer, I notice we've stopped in front of a painting of a very fat lady.

"Password?" The woman asks, and it takes me a moment to realise that this must be the door to the Gryffindor common room.

"Niffler." Harry tells her, and the portrait swings forward without a sound. The Gryffindor common room is much more homey than the Slytherin one. Harry leads me carefully up the stairs, and through the door. He sits me down on what is clearly his bed, and looks at me seriously. I feel guilty as I notice that this is the second time he's missed classes for me.

"I want you to get some sleep, but there are a few things I need to tell you first." I nod, feeling like a child about to receive a lecture.

"It's going to be a very long time before I trust you again, after this little stunt you've pulled." He takes what appears to be a scratch of parchment out of his pocket.

"This is a map of the school." He opens it up to show me. There are names and footprints pacing all around the page. I look at him curiously. "See this?" He says, pointing at the two sets of footprints with our names. I nod. He hands me the map. "Watch my name." He gets up and walks to the other side of the room. I have to scold myself for the irrational sense of panic that overcomes me as he moves away. When I look down I'm surprised to see that his name has moved with him.

"It moved." I say stupidly, berating myself for sounding like an idiot. He comes back over. He still looks stern.

"Exactly." He tells. "With this, I will know where you are every minute of every day. If you're… hurt… like tonight," he continues with difficulty, "You're name will look faded." I nod.

"You sound like a stalker." I say, trying desperately to lighten the thickness of the atmosphere. Harry doesn't laugh.

"I don't care." He says. "I don't trust you not to do something stupid." I say nothing. I don't trust myself either. "Ron and Hermione are on their way up." He says, pointing at the map. "They'll have your bag." It takes a second before I comprehend that I'd left my stuff in class earlier.

"Okay." I say weakly, looking at my hands.

"When they get here, you're going to take your potions knife out of it, and hand it to me." He's not giving me an option. "I will give it back to you to use during lessons, and only then. You're giving it back to me at the end of each class." I hear him sigh. He's about to say something he doesn't want to.

"The blade that you… used… today." He says, sounding strained. "Where did you get it?"

Harry

Draco mumbles something intelligible.

"What?" I ask him, much too harshly. He's fragile. I of all people know this. I can't talk to him like that. When he looks up there are tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry." I say softly. "That was harsh." I get down on my knees so my eyes are at his level. "Where did you get the blade, Draco?" I ask gently. He wipes a hand across his eyes and I wince with guilt. I never want to be the one to make him cry.

"I transfigured it." He says quietly. "From a rubber." (**AN: **for those of you who don't understand British English, a rubber is an eraser, not a condom). I close my eyes, understanding how difficult it's going to be for me to keep him from cutting.

"I'll be checking your arms each day, Draco." I tell him. He nods, but seems frightful at the idea. I sigh once again, and hear footsteps from the hallway. There is a light knock, and Hermione enters, followed by Ron. He has Draco's bag. Draco moves to get up but I motion him back down. I get the bag from Ron and bring it over. He does as I ask, and gives me his potions knife. I turn to my friends.

"You two get back to class." I say. "I need to stay with Draco right now."

"You can go," he says, although his voice is trembling. He doesn't want me to leave. "It's okay." It's not. "I don't want you to get in trouble." I look at him.

"You need me right now." I tell him. "That's much more important than a detention. And even if you didn't need me, I wouldn't trust you." He blushes and looks at his hands.

"Okay, Harry." Says Hermione. "Come on Ron." Ron gives me a 'Good luck' sort of look and leaves with her.

"Just a few more things," I say. "I can't be watching the map during classes. In the ones we have together, if you go to loo, and you're gone for more than ten minutes I'm coming in after you. When we're not in class together, I'll be worrying. I'll be checking before period starts to be sure you're there, and after." I see it on his face that he's finally realising the seriousness of what he's gotten into.

"I like to look at the stars." He whispers. "On the astronomy tower. Can I still do that?" He's asking for my permission. I have less of a sense that he will try to defy me than a few seconds ago, but I refuse to let my guard down.

"If I'm up there with you." I answer. "I don't want you going up there alone." He nods, seemingly accepting my response.

"Tonight?" He seems hopeful, but a small red flag flashes in my mind. I shake my head, no.

"You're not going anywhere tonight, Draco. Too soon. Think of the stars as a privilege. You have to earn that trust." He nods. "Get some rest." I watch as he bites down on his lower lip, looking troubled.

"I… I have nightmares." He says, seeming vulnerable and embarrassed. My stern disposition softens. I grab his hand.

"I'm right here, Draco." He smiles and crawls under the covers. It's a strange feeling seeing him in my bed. "I've got a bit of homework to do, so I'll be working on that. I'm right here the second you need me."

"I always need you," he says sleepily. I smile and kiss him on the forehead and go over to my trunk, digging around for parchment. "Harry?" He asks. I look at him to prove I'm listening.

"Your roommates… they're going to want to know why I'm here. Are… are you going to tell them?"

"Only if you're okay with that." I say gently. "If you'd rather them not know, I'm more than willing to make something up." He thinks about it for a moment.

"You can tell them." He says. I smile and nod.

"Alright."

"And Harry?" He looks as though he's suddenly just thought of something.

"Yes, love?" I ask.

"I… I have detention with Snape tonight." He looks worried. I come over to him and stroke his hair.

"I know enough about Snape to be sure he won't leave you in there alone. So I'm not too worried about that. I have the map." He still looks troubled. "You don't want to be in there with him do you?" He bites his bottom lip and shakes his head. "It'll be okay. I'll be right there for you afterwards." He closes his eyes, close to sleep.

"I know."

"Sleep well, Draco." He opens his eyes and looks at me intently.

"As long as you're here, I won't have nightmares." I smile and kiss him.

"Now get some sleep." He nods, and in a moment, Draco is fast asleep among my Gryffindor sheets. He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.


	8. Long Way To Go

Harry

I've been working on my Transfiguration essay for about a half hour now. I don't have much done, seeing as I've been glancing up every few moments at Draco. I can't help but stare at how peaceful he seems, and it breaks my heart to realise that this is the calmest I've ever seen him. He said I take away his nightmares… and I can't help but wonder if that is true. I think it is… he doesn't seem troubled by dreams at the moment, and I smile to myself. He needs a break from the world. I shudder as I think: _It would have been permanent if you hadn't been there… _The sound of the door handle opening shatters my reverie. That'll be Dean and Seamus. It occurs to me as they walk in, that telling them the proper story, would require my coming out to someone other than Ron and Hermione. Then again, Seamus is gay… So they clearly won't have a problem.

Just as Dean is about to yell out, I rush over and scurry them right back into the hallway again. I shut the door slightly behind me, but not all the way, so I can still see Draco. God forbid he wakes up and I'm not there…

"What the bloody hell is Malfoy doing in our room?" Dean asks, seeming amusingly alarmed. I sigh, knowing that this is going to be hard to say.

"First off, guys, I need you to know… that I'm gay. I'm actually dating Draco…" Dean raises his eyebrows in mild surprise and Seamus shrugs and asks,

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"Because _I _didn't know until recently." Seamus stares for a minute before he smirks and looks at Dean, then back at me.

"Ooo, Potter, so… _why _is Malfoy in your bed?" I feel myself blush.

"Oh, no… it's nothing like that… I just needed you to know." Seamus frowns.

"Then why _is _he here." I look inwardly through the door, with what I know to be a worried expression on my face.

"Is he okay?" Dean chimes, seeming surprisingly concerned. I shake my head.

"Are _you _okay?" says Seamus.

"I don't know." I whisper. "Guys, Draco… tried to… he tried to kill himself." I wince as I say it, the prospect not pleasant in my mind.

"Bugger." I hear Dean say under his breath. I nod, blinking back random tears.

"He slashed his wrists." Both Seamus and Dean have grave expressions on their faces. "I've seen his eyes." I say. "I have absolutely _no _trust that he won't try it again. I need to keep an eye on him. He needs to stay here tonight." I watch as both of them nod.

"Yeah… yeah of course."

"This is a onetime thing… but you might be seeing a lot more of him around the tower. Just wanted to give you a heads up. You can go in now," I say, glancing in to be sure that Draco's still sleeping peacefully. "Just… try not to wake him up. He needs rest." Seamus and Dean both nod, and I go in, followed closely behind. I sit down, once again, and attempt to concentrate on my essay. It's not an easy task, and within about a quarter hour, I'm daydreaming, not noticing my roommates leaving quietly.

About an hour later, I'm brought abruptly back to earth by a soft moaning. My head turns to Draco so quickly I'm afraid my neck may have snapped, and what I see makes my stomach twist. He's tossing about in the bed, a look of severe discomfort on his face. He's having a nightmare. Without a second thought, I rush over to him. I shake him gently.

"Draco, Draco it's okay. Hey, wake up." He stirs and looks up at me. He's not completely brought back to reality and I can see the fear in his eyes.

"Harry…" He says.

"I'm right here." I tell him, grabbing his hand. Suddenly he sits bolt upright and throws himself into my arms and I hold him tight. He's shaking… "What happened?" I whisper.

"J-just a dream," he stutters sleepily. He seems to be reassuring himself. He buries himself deeper within me, and I find myself hoping that he isn't going to cry, although I won't stop him if he does. I stroke his hair lightly.

"It was just a dream." I feel his hands gripping the back of my shirt desperately. I hear him swallow.

"I don't want to lose you…" his voice is shaking and I know better than to ask him what the dream was about. My only goal right now is to calm him down before he starts to cry. I pull back slightly and look at him.

"Draco, I want you to listen to me, and listen carefully. You're not ever going to lose me. I'll always be here. Always. I love you, and I'll be right here when you need me. I promise." I look him deeply in the eyes. He stares right back, and as a tear trickles down his cheek, I lean forward to kiss him.

Draco

Harry's kissing me, and slowly, the fear, and desperate, longing despair left over from the nightmare are starting to drift away, giving into the passion. I feel myself deepen the kiss, wanting to feel as close to my saviour as possible. Sadly however, the sound of the bell ringing breaks the kiss, and as soon as we part, I feel ready to cry. Harry glances up at the clock.

"It's nearly dinner time," he says, without removing his gaze from the hands of the device. "You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry." I mumble truthfully. I'm never hungry. Food has been making me feel sick lately. Harry looks back and sees the tears on my cheeks. The feeling of lonely emptiness that filled me the moment he pulled away was too much. I figure this over-emotional neediness comes with the territory of my depression. I'm relying on Harry for everything right now, and it's dangerous, I know.

"Oh, Draco, love, please don't cry." I can't help it; I want to say as he pulls me into a tight, secure embrace. I lean into him, crying silently for a few moments. It's sad. My whole life has become confusing, desperate, and more than I can handle. And for some reason, more and more, all I seem to know how to do is cry. Suddenly, I'm a small child, cowering in a corner, lost in a world that's much too big, and relying on someone else for comfort and care. I've reverted, and I no longer feel able to fend for myself.

I can't help but feel that I'm setting myself up for a fall, yet I can't stop myself either. Finally, I force myself out of my twisted reverie and wipe the tears from my face. I need to learn to pull myself together, like I once knew how to do.

"Are you okay?" Harry asks softly.

"No." I say, now condemned to telling him the always truth. I'm not okay. It will be a very long time before I am. He frowns sadly, takes my hand, and helps me stand up. The room spins for a moment before settling, allowing me to balance on my own.

"Dinner is starting now." He says. "I don't care if you're not hungry; you've got to eat something. Especially after today." His eyes are worn, as though he's been forced into something he isn't ready for. I'm desperately remorseful that I was the one to put such stress upon his shoulders. If I was dead, he wouldn't have to worry about my well being.

One more reason I should've tried harder in the bathroom. I might not ever get a chance now.

"I'll try to eat something." I say quietly, not wanting to make myself any more of a burden. Harry nods approvingly and grabs my hand. I squeeze it back tightly, reminding myself that he isn't ever going to leave me.

As we reach the entrance to the great hall, I gently release Harry's hand. He doesn't protest, and I know he understands.

When we sit down, I can't help but notice the sympathetic expression from Dean and the encouraging smile from Seamus. They must've come in while I was sleeping. Harry must've told them. I look up and down the table, and then to Harry sitting next to me. I don't understand why, but I feel detached and separated from those surrounding me. Kind of like I'm in a clear bubble, that's keeping me from joining my peers.

"Draco," Harry says softly, breaking into my thoughts, "You need to eat something." I say nothing, but begin putting food on plate. After doing so, I stare at it mindlessly, the prospect of actually eating it a foreign one in my mind. I look over at Harry again, silently asking if I really have to, and he gives me an expecting look. Grudgingly, I spear a piece of fish with my fork and put it in my mouth. It takes work not to gag.

Ever since I was a child, I've had trouble eating when I'm upset. And ever since this depression has taken its firmest hold on me, I've been eating less and less. The food seems so unappealing, and quite frankly makes me feel sick. I pick at my plate, eating slowly, small bits at a time. I know not to push it. I don't want to end up throwing up later on.

Harry

I watch as Draco picks at his plate. He looks miserable, and his lost and sunken demeanour makes me wonder what he's thinking, and more importantly, how I can make it go away. Ron and Hermione are watching him as well, both looking worn and tired from the day's drama. Tonight, while Draco's in detention with Snape, I will apologise to the both of them for last year. I know what they went through.

"So, Draco," I hear someone say, and look up to see Ginny, speaking with a look of determination on her face. "How was your day?" She asks. I can tell that her intentions mean well. She's merely attempting to break the tension among the table. Unfortunately, she's doing it entirely the wrong way. Draco looks up, and as understanding flows through his eyes that she has no idea what happened this morning, I hear him try to cover it up.

"Fine," He says, and I watch as he places a very forced half-smile on his face. "How was yours?" His voice sounds forced, and there's pain at the edge of his voice. Although I know that Ginny hadn't meant it, I wish she hadn't asked him. She's making him think about it, and therefore more likely making him want to try again. As Ginny carries on about her day's events I shoot Draco a comforting look. He just bites his lip and looks at his plate.

Draco

When dinner is finally over, I find myself wishing it had gone on longer. I know have to spend two hours in the dungeon with Snape. Snape has a habit, like my father, of saying things that sink into your brain and stay there, tearing you apart slowly and surely. After everything that's happened today, I know that I don't have the strength to deal with that, and I'm urgently hoping that he will stay silent tonight. I was warned against crying, and it's probably already evident enough by my bloodshot eyes. If I were to do so in front of Snape, he would write to father, and he would pull me out of school.

Of course, if that were to happen, I'd drop all pretenses and find the quickest and most sure way to kill myself and do so without second thought.

I walk numbly toward the stairs that will take me down to what may be the end of my life. Harry walks with me, and I realise just how serious he is when he says he isn't letting me out of his sight. Neither of us say anything for most of the walk, but the closer I tread to the door of Snape's classroom, the more afraid I become. I'm not even sure what I'm afraid of, but about ten feet from the room; I stop dead and look at Harry.

"I don't wanna go." I say to him, feeling and sounding embarrassingly like a small child. Harry's green eyes soften, and I lose myself within them.

"You're going to be okay, Draco." I shake my head.

"I'm not okay." I say.

"I know." He tells me. "But you're going to be. And it's only Snape."

"Snape acts like father sometimes…" I tell him, coming closer and closer to the urge to run as far from the room as I can get. The urge to transfigure another blade and reopen the gashes under the bandages on my wrists. Harry looks at me sympathetically.

"You're strong." He says. I shake my head, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes.

"I'm not strong..." I say. He strokes my cheek.

"Don't cry, it's okay. You are strong. I know you are." I bite my lip. "Repeat after me." He says. I nod, glancing back at the door that could mean my impending doom. "I am strong."

"I am strong." I say quietly, the words unfamiliar in my mouth.

"I can handle this."

"... I ... I can handle this." Harry smiles. When the smile abruptly disappears from his face, I glance around to see what's wrong. Snape is standing behind me, looking impatient.

"You're late Draco." He says in a cold drawl that reminds me way too much of father. I shiver.

"I-I'm sorry, Professor." He glares and me and swoops into his room. Harry looks at me, seeming worried. I fight back the urge to throw myself into his arms, knowing that I'd never again let go. Now that someone's there to help me, I need him so much. I can never go back to being alone.

We share a kiss that is much to short, and I, shaking, timidly make my way into the room.

Snape is sitting at his desk, glaring at me. I shrink back within myself.

"Have a seat, Mr. Malfoy." I sit, in the back, as far from him as I can get.

"What have you been doing with Mr. Potter, Draco?"

"Wha-What do you mean?" I stutter, gently closing my mind against his attempts to read it. Thankfully, father forced me to learn Occumulancy.

"You've been spending a considerable amount of time with the Potter boy. Why?" He sounds irritated. I want Harry.

"We've made amends, Professor. Is that a problem?" For the first time in what seems like years, I manage to once again retrieve the cold voice that's become so lost to me.

"I don't believe your father would be particularly happy about you spending time with the Potter boy. And unless your behaviours improve, I will be writing him a letter." Its a threat. I know. Somehow, Snape knows that I need Harry. And now, he's using it as blackmail.

"I-improve in what way?" I ask him.

"Fighting." He practically spits the word. "And your grades are appalling. You haven't been paying attention in my class and you've been wasting yourself away sniveling and whining like a small child." I swallow hard. "Don't think that just because you're away from the manor that you can throw away everything that you're expected to do." He pauses as though to make a point. "Have you been crying, Mr. Malfoy?"

"No." I say instantly, sounding much too defensive.

"Of course you haven't." Its clear that he doesn't believe me at all, and I feel myself shrinking, more and more, feeling less and less significant. My fate rests in Snapes hands. The moment he writes to father, my life shall end.

I cannot mean this any more literally.

"You're lucky, Draco." He says, and I shudder hearing my first name on his slimy tongue. "I seem to be a bit more... fond... of you than your father. I do not wish to see you hurt." I'm already hurt. He just doesn't know. "So I shall not be writing to Lucius. Yet. However, I do not ever want to see you fighting with a fellow Slytherin, do you understand me?"

"Yes sir." I tell him.

"Because when you go around hitting your house mates, and crying like a first year girl, not only are you embarrassing your father, your are embarrassing me, as the leader of the Slytherin house." I nod. "I won't stand for it." He is quiet for a moment, and then seems to decide that he's done lecturing me. "You're going to be writing lines for me tonight Draco..."

And with each line that I write, I'm trying to put myself closer and closer to Harry, taking my mind away from the pain, the lies, the blackmail and the tears. I'm realising now that the only way to stay strong while away from him is to keep myself occupied with thoughts of love and comfort.

Which, sadly, is hard to do.

Harry

About ten minutes before Draco's detention is set to end, I find myself waiting outside the door for him. Within the preceding two hours, my nervousness has grown at a steady rate to the point where it is now nearly unbearable.

Draco is very... unstable right now. And to put him in a classroom alone with Snape, merely hours after he attempted suicide... sounds dangerous. He's fragile... and I don't trust Snape not to break him. I pace about the hallway, counting the moments until I can see him.

I jump, startled as the door interrupts my thoughts. I turn, quickly, to see Draco standing in the door, looking pale and sickly, but overall, no worse than when I'd left him. A relieving warmth floods me down to my toes as I bring him into my arms.

"How was it?" I ask him, cautiously, being sure that my voice is clear in the fact that he is not required to answer.

"It could have been worse." Is all he says.

Taking him by the hand I lead him back to the Gryffindor dormitories. He appears nervous.

"There's nothing to worry about, Draco."

"They're not going to want me here..." He sounds close to tears. I know from experience that in the near future, he won't be nearly as sensitive as he is in his present state. For now, I am to expect it.

"Draco," I tell him softly, "absolutely no one has a problem with you being in here for the night. And even if they did I wouldn't care, because I'm not sending you back to your dormitory right now. I don't trust you at all." Draco says nothing, seemingly giving in, and we walk up the stairs to the room. Dean, Ron, and Neville are already asleep, and I make a metal note to myself to inform Neville tomorrow morning. Seamus gives Draco an acknowledging nod.

I grab a T-shirt and pair of boxers from my trunk and go into the bathroom to change. When I come out, Draco has changed as well. I assume he summoned something to sleep in. He crawls quietly into my bed, looking a little uncomfortable and a bit embarrassed about why he's there. I give him a reassuring smile and crawl in beside him. Draco seems to lose all pretenses and snuggles up against me. Without a word, we fall asleep in each other's arms.


	9. Revenge and Irrationality

Draco

I wake up in an empty bed, in an empty room. Still tired, and confused upon waking up alone, panic begins to seep through my body. I sit up, looking around frantically. Where's Harry? I bite down on my lip.

He left.

I knew this was too good to be true.

I search around with my eyes, getting more and more upset by the second. The door the loo is open. His side of the bed is still warm, so he must have just left.

Suddenly, I feel empty,

Alone,

Lost.

I feel as though the air itself is crashing around me, and it soon becomes difficult to breathe. I thought he loved me…. I believed him. I trusted him.

I feel sick.

I come to my senses when I taste blood in my mouth, and I realise that I've, for not the first time, bitten my lower lip to the point of bleeding. I wipe it off with my hand and stand up, feeling disoriented.

Harry

I'm in the common room, checking the notice board along with Neville. I explained to him why Draco was there this morning, and he, the only person aside from Ron and Hermione who knows about my little problem last year, entirely understands. When I woke up this morning, Dean and Seamus had already gone to breakfast, and I'm not sure where Ron's disappeared to. I expect he's gone to find Hermione in the library- he's taken to following her around as of late- and I don't pay too much attention to his absence.

I checked to be sure that Draco was still entirely asleep when Neville suggested that we check to notice board, and I was satisfied to find that he was, indeed, still in a fast slumber. There's a Hogsmead trip this weekend, and I'm wondering if I should take Draco, as a change of scenery, or if that would be a bad idea. I'm broken from my thoughts when I have a strange feeling in my stomach… as though something was wrong.

I head up the stairs to check on Draco, needing to be sure that he's okay.

Draco

Just as I'm trying not to cry, and inwardly yelling at myself for ever having trusted him, Harry walks in. Without a comprehensible thought running once through my mind, I throw myself into his arms, holding to him tightly.

"Jeez, Draco," he whispers, rubbing my back. "You pick the one moment that I'm downstairs to wake up." I say nothing. "I was only checking the notice board. For a few minutes." He sounds slightly exasperated.

"I thought you left me." I mumble into the front of his robes.

"How many times do we have to talk about this?" He asks me, seriously. "I'm not going to leave you. Not ever." I pull back and look at him to see that his eyes are completely sincere. I nod, slowly.

"Now," he tells me, "You're going to your classes today. All of them."

"I know." I say quietly. I glance over at the robes I wore yesterday. Bloodstained. He follows my gaze, and seems to understand my train of thought.

"Yes, you're going to have to go to your dorms to change." I bite my lip, and wince, having forgotten that I'd cut it earlier. I make a mental note to be careful how often I do that. Harry tilts my chin up to get better look. "It's a nervous habit you have." He says, clearly talking about my bleeding lip. "You've got to be careful about that." I nod. Harry sighs. "Do you want me to walk you to your dorm, Draco?"

"As if you'd even _let _me go alone?" I ask, a bit bitterly.

"I would, actually. You are going to need to be on your own a little from here on out." Sadly, I don't like the idea of being alone at all. I'd rather him follow me.

"I want you to walk with me…" I say, a bit ashamed about snapping at him a moment ago. His expression softens.

"Okay." I pull yesterdays robe on and fasten it over my pajamas, not wanting to walk through the halls dressed like I am. I lead ahead of him out the door, and once we reach the corridor I grab his hand tightly. Grateful that Hogwarts robes are black, and bloodstains are not easily seen, we walk down toward the dungeons.

As we reach the entrance to the Slytherin common room, I find myself desperately not wanting to let go of Harry's hand. He seems to notice my apprehension.

"Draco, I promise you that I will be right here as soon as you come back out. It's alright. You can let go." I nod, and my own hand shaking, let go of his.

I've become so weak… Taking a deep breath, I say the password with a raspy voice, not surprised to find that my throat is sore from crying the night before. As much as I hate to admit it, this happens a lot.

I, slightly timidly, seeing as this is the first time I've reentered the Slytherin common room since I let loose on Blaise, enter through the opening.

To my dismay, all of the 6th year Slytherins are in the dormitory when I come in, and Blaise smirks upon seeing me.

"Nice of you to join us, Malfoy." I ignore him, and begin digging through my trunk for a set of robes. Blaise seems determined to create another outburst from me. "Where'd you stay last night? Pomfrey keep you in the hospital again? For your… uh… mental health?" I hear even Crabbe and Goyle snigger at this. I bite my tongue to prevent a retort to Zabini, and give a hateful, threatening glower to the other two. They stop laughing at once.

As I snatch up a pair of robes I realise that the bathroom door has been locked. The boys of my dorm do this often, when they're hiding some sort of illegal contraband. I note that if the door has been spelled shut, then a girl has been in hear, as they only other bother locking that door when they have… visitors.

They're all, except maybe Blaise, too thick to realise that if anyone truly wanting to go in, they could simply charm the door open, which dreadfully, I realise I cannot do. I left my wand in my bag, which Harry has with him.

Knowing better than to ask one of my dorm mates to open the door for me, I begin stripping my current attire, grateful, for once, of the bandages wrapped tightly around each arm. Had those bandages not been present, they all would have seen my cuts straight away.

"What have you done to your arms?" Goyle asks stupidly, as expected, just as I remove my robe.

"Fell off my broom while out flying last night," I say, glad to come across as clumsy rather than suicidal. "What concern is it to you?" I pull my clothes on quick, desperate to get out. Crabbe and Goyle seem accepting of this fact, but Zabini, the ponce he is, is smarter than them.

"Madam Pomfrey could have healed that in an instant…" He says slowly. "Yours are still bandaged. You've never been to see her." He sounds accusing.

"Piss off, Blaise." I say, a resigning tone to my voice.

"You've tried to kill yourself." He says it as though there's no doubt in his mind.

"Have not." I say quietly, fastening my robe. I'm nearly at a point of escape.

"You have," he says incredulously, seeming amused at the tears slowly gathering in the corners of my eyes. He thinks the idea of me attempting suicide is funny… "There was blood on those wrappings."

"That's none of your concern." I say softly, staring at my trainers. The pain is all coming back at hitting me. No one cares. Blaise thinks it's funny. He wants me to die. I want to die.

"Imagine that…" He says with half a laugh. "Malfoy's son. Suicidal." He scorns. "Wait till he hears…" I look up, panic resonating in my eyes.

"Don't you fucking dare, Zabini. Father will pull me out of school!" It's clear that he doesn't understand what's so horrible, but Crabbe and Goyle, whose fathers are Death Eaters as well, know the trauma. Crabbe intervenes.

"Zabini, don't. You may as well call the Dark Lord himself to come and kill him." The seriousness in Crabbes eyes seem to persuade Blaise enough.

"Fine. Though the Slytherins will have a laugh at this." Neither Crabbe nor Goyle are arguing with him, and the lump in my throat and stinging in my eyes tell me I need to get out of there. Fast.

As I tear through the common room, I know I don't need to worry about anyone else in the house writing to father. They're all well enough aware that that would kill me, and despite popular believe, none of them would deliberately kill someone. But that won't stop them from laughing…

Harry

When Draco comes out, he's crying, and I'm instantly alarmed. He's in my arms in a second, his face in my shoulder, and I'm stroking his hair.

"What happened, Draco?" I ask. "What's wrong?"

"They know." He mumbles into my robes. "Blaise… he saw my bandages… they know."

"Shh…" I say, "It's alright." I hold him close, inwardly grateful that that was all that's wrong.

"They laughed at me!" Draco wails. "Zabini's gonna tell the whole house!" Fury floods me as I try to console the crying boy. How dare them!

"I'll take care of Zabini later." I say softly. "It's okay." Draco doesn't seem yet ready to calm down so I lead him off to an empty classroom, knowing he won't want to be seen like this.

For the next ten minutes or so, I hold him, patiently waiting for him to quit crying. I'm slightly impressed with the speed at which he manages it, seeing that if, last year, someone were to laugh at me for trying to kill myself; it would have most likely taken much longer to calm down.

When Draco's finished crying I take his face in my hands and look at him intently.

"Don't ever listen to those sodding prats." I tell him. "Do you understand me? I don't ever want to see you take them too much to heart. They're good for nothing scum and if they want to laugh, it just means they deserve nothing but the deepest hell." He looks as though he's trying hard to believe me, but I can also see that his encounter with these people has sent him straight back into the spiral of depression. I make a mental note to deck Zabini in the face next time I see him.

Draco sniffs and wipes the tears from his face.

"I cry too much." I hear him mumble to himself with distain. He picks up his bag, clearly ready to go on to the Great Hall.

"You do not, Draco." I tell him gently. "There's nothing wrong with crying. It's not something that can be helped." I'm sure to put a comforting tone to my words.

"Try telling that to my father." He says. His voice chokes up again. I grab his hand to stop him leaving.

"Draco Malfoy." I say clearly. "Your father isn't even worth a fraction of a percent of what you are. You cry all you need to. It just makes you human, which is more than anyone can say for your fuck of a father." I can't be any more serious with what I'm saying. Draco's lip trembles and I know that I've said the one thing that he needs to hear the most. He needs to know that he's worth something.

"You promise?" He asks, silent tears slipping down his cheeks.

"With all my heart." I tell him, leaning forward and capturing his beautiful mouth with my lips, kissing him passionately. Draco responds needingly.

For the first time, I slip my tongue into his mouth, and am relieves when he doesn't draw back. I'm always afraid of rushing him. We fight for dominance for a few minutes and I forget where I am.

A voice brings me back to Earth.

"Harry, Oh!"

Draco

Harry and I spring apart and I turn to see Hermione, flushed, in the doorway. I look over at Harry, who's quite as red as it is possible for one to be. I realise that tears remain on my cheeks, and quickly wipe them away, feeling rather embarrassed to be discovered like this.

"Um…" Hermione starts, clearly as surprised as we were. "Ron and I were just wondering where you two had gone. It's nearly the end breakfast and… um…" Harry seems to pull himself out of embarrassment.

"Right…" he says. "We stopped down here because Draco needed clothes to change into. Got caught in the moment."' He finishes, flushing again.

"I don't want to go to breakfast." I mumble, and both of them look at me.

"Why ever not?" Harry asks, looking worried. I look at him meaningfully.

"Blaise…" I start, completely furious with myself as my eyes once again well up with tears. "I don't want to be laughed at…"

"Why would you be laughed at?" Hermione inquires gently. I see Harry shake his head at her, but I answer her question anyway.

"They know…" I say, showing her my arms to make a point. "They…" I break off, determined not to cry again. She frowns and moves toward me, reaching for my arm. I wince, involuntarily. She shuffles me across the room to sit on a desk and starts unwrapping the bandages.

"I didn't get a chance to really look at this yesterday." She tells me, sounding unnervingly like a healer. "I was more worried about stemming the bleeding." When the wrappings are entirely removed, I look down and the huge lacerations on both of my forearms. Hermione handles my injuries tenderly, as she materialises some sort of potion. "They're not infected," she says professionally. She starts dabbing the potion on my arms, gently. I glance at Harry, who seems rather pale.

"I'm sorry, Hermione," He says, fingering the bridge of his nose. "I know what I did now…" He says gravely.

"That's alright, Harry." She says firmly. "What's past is past." Getting a good look for the first time, I'm realising just how deep these cuts are. "I can't heal them all the way." She says, sounding regretful. "I can only heal minor injuries and this is too deep." She dabs more of another potion on my arms and it stings badly. I like the pain.

Hermione says an incantation and waves her wand over my arms and they heal slightly.

"Be careful, or you'll open them again." She warns me. "But you don't have to keep them wrapped up." I nod, still lost in the feel of the sting.

"Draco." I look up at the sound of Harry's surprisingly stern voice. "Snap out of it." He says. "I know that look." I flush, guilty.

"Let's go to breakfast now." I say. Harry smiles and takes my hand.

Harry

Just before we enter the Great Hall, I feel Draco rather grudgingly let go of my hand. I understand. The whole of the school seeing us hand and hand just as the whole of the Slytherin house is informed of his attempted suicide would be more than he could handle. I stop him before he walks in and give him one more, quick kiss. He blushes cutely and I see Hermione grin.

"Where's Ron, anyway?" I ask her as we walk in. She points over at the Gryffindor table.

"At the table with Neville and Ginny." She says.

"Come on, Draco." I tell him. He's standing quite still, paler than normal, and staring at the Slytherin table, who are all pointing at him and whispering. Pansy is the only one who doesn't seem amused, and I suddenly feel jealous. Draco is my boy Pansy. Get your own. "Draco." I repeat.

"They're laughing at me." He whimpers as he walks with me to the Gryffindor table.

"Don't worry about them," I say gently when we sit down.

"They don't understand…" I hear him mumble.

"That's right." I say comfortingly. "They don't. It doesn't matter. How's it important what a bunch of prats think of you?"

"I guess it doesn't." he says in a small voice. He stares at the table of food, and that finished look has crossed his eyes again. My stomach flips. "They don't understand." He repeats. "Dumbledore said that our houses are supposed to be our families." His face has become dark and withdrawn, as though all the life and will to live has been sucked out of him. "They're not like my family." He says. "I've never had family. Family is supposed to love you." He finishes with a whisper. I watch him closely, and remind myself that this is exactly why I'm not letting him out of my sight anytime soon. He's biting his lip again. I watch for signs of tears, ready to get him out if I need to, but he doesn't look like he's going to cry. He just looks defeated, which in my opinion is worse.

"I love you, Draco." I say. "Doesn't that count for something?" he seems to come out of his reverie. He looks over at me.

"It counts for everything." He says. "It's the reason I'm still alive." I shiver at the seriousness of what he just said.

"Promise me it will stay that way." I say firmly, putting food on his plate. Draco pretends to have not heard anything, and starts picking at the food with his fork. I know he heard me, and I feel about ready to cry. "Promise me, Draco." When he speaks his voice is choked. Neither of us are aware that there are other people at this table.

"I don't make promises I might not be able to keep. I might be too far gone." I grab his hand under the table.

"Try to eat something." I say quietly. "I'll be right back." I get up, and, ignoring Hermione's warnings not to do anything rash, walk straight over to the Slytherin table where Blaise is sitting. He smirks up at me.

"Can I help you with something Potter?" He seems confident, but upon the look of rage on my face, fear flickers through his eyes.

"What did you do to Draco?" I demand, my voice deadly calm. I see him visibly swallow.

"It's more, what did he do to himself?" He chortles. "Why?" He smirks. "Are you his body Guard now?" he asks. My blood boils. I don't care if I get in trouble.

"I'm your worst nightmare." I tell him. Pulling back my fist, I punch the asshole squarely on the nose, and I'm satisfied when I hear a sickening crunch. Now it's my turn to smirk as he raises a hand to his face, trying to stop the flow of blood gushing from his broken nose. I kneel down to his level, looking straight into his eyes, and laugh when I see how terrified his expression is.

"What Draco does, or why he does it is none of fucking business." I say clearly. "You are one of the worst pieces of scum to exist on this planet to laugh at someone when they're down. If I hear you talking of this at all ever again, or if you make him cry, I will snap your neck, do you understand me?" He stares, wide eyed, like the rest of the school. "I said, do you understand me?!" I grab him by the front of his shirt and he nods franticly. "Good." I say, throwing him back into the table.

I walk back to the Gryffindor table, followed quite closely by Snape. I receive three detentions with a smile, and sit down to applaud by my peers.

"Anything for you, Draco." I tell him. "He won't be bothering you again." Draco stares at me, amazed.

"Thank you." He whispers.

"Anytime."

I help him up, and we walk off to class, hand and hand. And as we walk, there are whispers along the corridors, but from what I can tell, the only ones who have a problem with it are the Slytherins, and now, they're too scared to say anything.

"That was brilliant, Harry." Ron muses. "Amazing." I grin, and even Draco manages a half smile.

"Thanks, Ron."

"I don't know what you were thinking Harry." I look at Hermione, exasperated at her reprimand.

"I was thinking that I'm not gonna let these shitheads make Draco feel any worse." She rolls her eyes and walks into potions, but before we can follow her, Pansy appears. She acts as though I don't exist and comes at Draco with puppy dog eyes.

"Is it true, Draco?" He asks, sounding as though she's talking to a baby. "Did you really try to kill yourself?" Draco grips my hand in a death grip, and backs up a bit, almost as if he's trying to hide behind me.

"What's it to you, Pansy?" he whispers.

"Why didn't you come and talk to me?" She whines. "I could've helped you."

"I have Harry." He says shakily. "I don't want your help." This seems as if it's the first time that Draco's really stood up for something he believes in.

"But, I'm Pansy..." Her incessant whining is getting annoying.

"You don't really care about me." He says, finding his voice. "You just want points for being helpful. You could never understand. Harry does. Harry loves me."

"Back off, Pansy." I say coldly. "Stay away from him. He's mine. Pansy seems to know better than to argue and stalks into class.

As Draco and I sit down, I think.

I think I'm going to take him to go see the stars tonight.


	10. Knowing

**AN: **I know, this one is very short. But I just HAD to add a fluff chapter. This is a cute moment of relief. I'll update soon. For some reason I just felt like I needed to keep this separated from the upcoming chapter.

Draco

I'm sitting in class, trying to pay attention when all can notice are two things. One: Harry is holding my hand under the table. Two: Goyle keeps glancing at me every few seconds and whispering to Crabbe, smirking at me. They're laughing at me. I fight back the urge to tug on Harry's sleeve like a small child, telling myself I can handle it. I know they aren't going to say anything directly to me, in fear that I'll run crying to Harry, but they'll still talk behind my back. And it still hurts.

But I need to be strong. I can't let Harry do everything for me, despite how much I want to. I'm already inconveniencing him enough as it is. He's gotten detentions because of me, missed classes because of me, and I'm causing him so much stress. Harry would be so much better off without me...

But then I feel his hand grasping mine and the thought of trying to live life alone in unimaginable. I've rested my whole life in his hands, and if he were pulled away from me now I wouldn't live through it. Pansy is going back and forth between staring sympathetically at me and glaring enviously at Harry. She doesn't care though. Not really. No one ever has. I grip Harry's hand tighter as the thought overcomes me. He turns his head from the front of the room to look at me, concern in his eyes, silently asking me if I'm okay. I offer him a weak smile. I'm getting through all of my classes today.

Harry

By the time dinner comes around, it seems that word of Draco and I have spread through the entire castle. Stares and whispers follow in awe, but everyone is generally supportive. Draco seems to like the idea of us being in the open simply because it gives him reason to never let go of my hand. I believe it has something to do with an attachment issue he has. He needs to feel connected to me at all times. The Slytherin table is glaring at me, and I take notice that Zabini is talking widely to the lot of them. I desperately hope for Draco's sake that he keeps his mouth shut tonight. Though I certainly would love to hit him again.

I talk with Hermione, Ron and Draco in pleasant conversation throughout the meal, glad that today has been somewhat uneventful. Once I'm sure that Draco has, in fact, eaten something, I tell Ron and Hermione that I'll see them in the common room later. They bade a pleasant goodbye to both Draco and I and we leave the Great Hall. Once in the corridor, Draco stops walking, and look at him.

"What's wrong?" I ask, sensing a general level of distress.

"You're talking me back to my dorm..." he pouts. I keep forgetting how childlike he can seem. "I don't want to go back there." He's shaking his head. "Not now." I smile.

"I wouldn't go jumping to conclusions, you know." I tell him. I almost laugh at the confusion on his face. "Just come on." I say, tugging on his hand. He follows me, seeming weary.

Draco

We've been walking for awhile now and I'm just realising where we're going. I feel my face light up.

"Harry... are we?" he just puts a finger to his lips in a smile and starts to lead me up the stairs of a gigantic spiral staircase.

We reach the top, and as many times as I've seen it before, the sight takes my breath away. There's so many stars. I start to walk toward to tower wall, but I don't get too far before Harry tightens his grip on my hand, preventing me from advancing. It's clear that he isn't letting me within three feet of the edge.

"I thought you might like a bit of air." He says softly, love in his voice. I feel a smile light up my entire face as we stand, hand in hand, staring at the array of stars above us. There's so many.

"I always feel so small when I look at the stars." I tell him. "I come out here when I feel alone. It just... it helps to think that... someone clear on the other end of the country could be looking at the very same sky right this moment. It helps me forget how alone I am." I know I'm rambling but I've never had anyone to tell this to before. "They're so... open... and free... I've always come out her wishing I could fly away... become one of them." My voice is choking up and I scold myself. "I just... don't feel... trapped here." I sniff and wipe at my eyes with my free hand. I look over at Harry, who is gazing intently at me, and for once, I don't feel the need to take the express lane to the bottom of the tower.

"You're not alone, Draco." He tells me, passion in his voice. "Not anymore." And then the tears are streaming down my face as it hits me how alone I really have been all this time.

"When I was little," I say. "I used to sneak out of the house at night and stare at the sky. I used to wish on every star I could find that someone would come and save me." Harry wraps his arms around me tightly. "I'd just dream and dream that I wasn't out there alone." I stand there, in silent tears, in Harry's arms, staring up at the silver diamonds in the sky that offered me my only childhood comfort.

"I'm right here." He whispers. I feel his breath on my ear.

"Looks like my wish came true." I whisper back, not bothering to wipe the wetness from my cheeks. "Will you save me Harry?" I ask him.

"Of course, Draco." He tells me. "I wouldn't dream of it any other way."

And then his lips are on mine.

The stars shine brightly above. This happiness is so rare for me.

And I'm drinking in every moment of it.

When the kiss breaks apart, I find myself speaking before I realise it.

"Thank you." I tell him. He smiles.

"What for?" He asks.

"Everything." I hear myself answer. "For being there for me when no one else was. For being the shoulder to cry on that I so needed. For just... caring at all. Thank you." He reaches up and strokes my cheek tenderly.

"Anytime." He tells me. "It's my pleasure." I melt into his arms, and together, we watch the stars. And I know, at the that moment, that he will be the one to save me from myself.


	11. Nightmares and Disappointment

Harry

I hold Draco in my arms for nearly an hour, watching him watch the stars. This whole concept is so strange to me. Who would have ever thought that it would come to this? The breeze is soft and the moon is bright, and for once everything seems content.

Still,

I refuse to let him within three feet of the edge. The idea scares me, and as wonderful as this moment has been, the concept of having him at a height like this in his emotional state worries me a little. It feels dangerous, and I'm almost sure, that a while ago, when he was crying, I saw the thought flash through his eyes. So I'm not letting go of him.

We've been silent most of the time we've been here, and the look on Draco's face is more serene and calm than I've ever seen. I make a mental note to take him up here more often. Then again, it feels reckless of me to do so.... What if.... one of these days... I bring him up here when I shouldn't... and lose him?

His death would be my fault. I can't lose him. I can't.

So it's at this moment that I decide that whether or not I allow him on the tower should depend on his emotional state at the time. If he's upset, we keep our feel firmly on the ground. I glance at my watch. It's getting late.

"Draco," I say softly. "We need to get going now." He just snuggles up against me closer, sending shivers up my spine.

"I don't want to." He says, sounding similar to a stubborn child. "I'm perfectly happy right here." I sigh. I should've known extraction from the tower was going to be difficult. "Besides," he says, "I saw Crabbe and Goyle laughing at me in potions today. I don't want to go back there..." Suddenly he sounds distressed.

"If they give you any trouble, let me know right away. I'll hex them into the next century and you know I'm not lying about that."

"I know..." He says. "But... I just... I like it out here. It's the only place I feel completely free. The Slytherin dorms are dark and cold and it reminds me of father."

"I know, Draco. But we can't stay out here forever," I tell him. "It's just for the night. I'll meet you in front of your common room in the morning. I'll be right there." Once again, I catch myself talking to him as though he were three years old. He doesn't seem to mind it though.

Draco

I nod, pretending to be strong about this. Harry doesn't understand. I have nightmares. Horrible, horrible nightmares that are only gone when he's with me. Sometimes, they're about You Know Who. Sometimes, they're about something father would do to me. Sometimes, they're memories. I don't want to go back to the Slytherin dorms because I'm tired of waking up in tears. I just want to stay with him forever...

And the thought that I can't brings tears to my eyes. I sniff and embarrassingly wipe at my eyes (I don't care what Harry says, I cry too much and I know it,) and then turn away from the silver stars.

"Let's go then," I mumble.

He takes my hand and we head back down toward the stairs.

"As long as you don't give me reason to not trust you up here, we can come back." He tells me softly, and I suddenly realise that I actually _like _it when he talks to me like he would a small child. "I know you need fresh air," he says, "but, just being honest with you, it makes me uncomfortable to have you up so high right after..." he stops speaking.

"Right after I tried to kill myself." I finish for him. He nods gravely. "It's sort of like you're babysitting me..." I say. "But... I guess... you should." It's hard for me to admit this, but it's true. And although Harry's lack of mistrust is slightly irking, I know that if it were a Saint Mungos Healer following me around instead, I wouldn't be allowed up here at all. My wand would have also been modified, and I would probably be escorted to the loo as well. I'd much rather have Harry as my babysitter. At least he cares about me. Harry doesn't say anything, seemingly lost in thought as we make our way down the staircase. A heavy feeling inserts itself further and further into my stomach with each step, and by the time we're nearing the common room, I feel sick.

Harry

As we get closer to the Slytherin dorms, I glance at Draco. He's biting his lower lip, which is a tell tale sign that something's bothering him.

"What's wrong?" I ask him, slowing our pace. He shakes his head.

"Nothing. I'm fine." His eyes stare at the floor as he says this, and I know he's lying.

"Something's bothering you, Draco. What is it?" He stays silent. "Come on, I can tell when something is upsetting you, tell me what's the matter." I'm careful to not let impatience slip into my voice.

"I'm afraid to go to sleep." Draco suddenly whispers. I stop walking and look closely at Draco, who does, in fact, look afraid, and a little sick.

"Why would you be afraid of sleeping, Draco?" I ask him gently.

"Nightmares," I hear him mumble. He seems embarrassed by this but I fully understand.

"Look at me," I say softly. "If you wake up and you need someone to talk to," I tell him, knowing from experience that the hardest thing is to wake up with no one to confide in, "send me an owl. I can come meet you, alright?" I stroke his cheek. He shies away and shakes his head.

"I don't want to wake you up." He says.

"Listen to me," I say firmly, "if you need me, I _want _you to wake me up."

Draco

I just nod my head. I shouldn't have told him. I can't wake him up. Even though he says it wouldn't, it would probably still annoy him, and I don't want to be annoying.

"Okay." I say, although I've made an agreement in my mind that I won't write to him. I've woken up from nightmares every night for a year now. I can handle it, as long as I remember to cry quietly.

"I'm serious, Draco." He says. I guess my 'okay' wasn't convincing enough for him. "If you have one of those nightmares, and it's really upsetting you, instead of cutting yourself, I want to write to me." I stare at him, bewildered.

"How did you know...?" I ask him. There's no way he could know that I usually end up cutting after these dreams.

"Let's just say I have hunch." He says. He fingers his own wrist for a moment, and, although confused, I don't mention it.

"Fine." I whisper. I still won't write to him. But now I can't even cut to calm myself down. Not at night anyway. Harry will check my wrists, I know this. If I cut after a dream Harry will know in the morning, and he'll know I haven't written to him when I should have. So I'll just have to work extra hard at dealing with these terrors. Which means a lot of crying. Alone. At night.

Without Harry.

My lip trembles and I shake my head. I don't want to be strong. I don't want to do this. If I were dead this wouldn't be a problem... With each second I find myself wishing more and more that I'd cut deeper in the bathroom yesterday. In a split second, Harry's arms are wrapped tightly and securely around me.

"It'll be okay." He whispers, his breath warm on my ear. "Everything will be fine. Just give it time. Shh... don't cry. It's alright." I'm so afraid of being alone... I haven't fully been away from him since I tried to end it, and even though it was only yesterday afternoon, it seems like a lifetime. I don't want to ever be away from him again. It would hurt too badly.

What if I went to bed in the dungeons, and when I woke up, Harry wasn't there like he said? What would I do then? How am I supposed to sleep knowing that I'm alone again?

Oh god. Listen to me. Will I be like this forever? Seeming to read my thoughts, Harry speaks.

"It's the hardest in the beginning." He says. "You've just got to get through the beginning. It will get easier. I promise." I'm crying. I can't help it.

"How do you know?" I ask him, wondering if his promises are only empty words. He pulls away and I nearly panic. Why is he letting go of me? Don't let go... I need you...

Harry

I never wanted to show him this, but he needs to know. I roll up my sleeve, making a silent note of the panicked look on his face when I let go of him. This only reinforces my thoughts on showing him.

"Because, Draco," I tell him, "I've been through it too." I point at my scars. "Last year." Understanding graces his features, and thankfully, he's starting to stop crying.

"That's why Weasley said it was familiar..." He says. I nod, and pull him back into my arms, to which he seems immensely grateful. He buries his face in my shoulder.

"It's always the worst right after you've tried it." I say. "It's absolutely terrifying to be alone at all." I don't mention that it wasn't nearly as hard for me as it most likely is for him. I had someone right away, and I'd always had _someone_ there for me, even before it started.

But Draco, has been alone his whole life and I'm just now giving him comfort. I can't even imagine how much it scares him to have to go back into the dungeons without warmth and caring. So even though I never actually clung to anyone like he has for me, I'm going to pretend I did. So he doesn't feel like he's gone insane. I leave out the part that when it was me, I'd wanted to be alone.

"So I've not lost it?" He asks, seeming slightly mollified by this. I shake my head.

"Of course not, Draco. I was a bit needy too." I tell him. "It won't stay that way. It will take some time before its better, but it's always the worst in the beginning. You just need to remember that no matter what, I will always be here when you need me." I see determination shine in his eyes and he nods. He wipes at his tear-streaked face and allows me to release him.

"Okay." He says, although his voice is trembling. "I'll try to get through this." There's still anguish on his features.

"You don't have to do it alone," I whisper, grabbing his hand. He grips me tightly back, and when we get to the Slytherin dorms, he looks at me, suddenly, the determination's gone, and he's just looks afraid.

"Can't I just stay with you for one more night?" He asks timidly. I'm tempted to say yes, but I know I need to be firm with him. I shake my head.

"No, you can't. You need to keep your independence. You can't rely on me for everything." Seeing the look on his face, I add, "I know it's hard, but it's better this way." He sighs, and whispers the password. He looks at me.

"Goodnight Harry." I shiver at how final his words sound. I kiss him softly on the mouth.

"Goodnight, Draco." I reply. "I'll see you in the morning. I promise." I know that he won't believe my promise until he sees me tomorrow. He has some severe trust issues, and it's something I plan to work through with him. That's why it's so hard for him to let go of me. He thinks that every goodbye is final. He doesn't believe that I'll come back and he's holding so desperately to what he has at that moment.

Draco

Taking a deep breath, I enter through the door into the Slytherin common room. The instant I do, I feel alone. I know that Harry will be there in the morning, I do, but it makes me uneasy being without him. I tell myself to get over it. I'm not a child. Though, admittedly, I've been acting quite like one lately.

I pause outside the entrance to the dorm, not wanting to face my dorm mates. But I need to go in. I need to sleep. I open the door, and go in.

Blaise smirks at me upon seeing me, but doesn't say anything. I ignore him, grab a shirt and pyjama pants, and unlock the bathroom door. Its only when I've already changed that I realise my shirt has short sleeves. I look at myself in the mirror. My arms are mauled by scars, up and down, and the ones from yesterday, barely healed stand out, bright, piercing red. I stare, shocked at what I've done to myself, terrified that it's come this far. My eyes are bloodshot and lined with dark shadows. I sigh, and knowing that I'd be getting hell for walking out with my robes on over my pyjamas, leave my arms bare.

My dorms mates stare, smirking, sniggering under their breaths. Anger fills me, unable to understand how any of this can be considered funny. I glare over at Blaise, whose whispering to Crabbe.

"If you have something to say to me, say it to my face." He laughs.

"I would, but you'll just run crying to Potter." I feel my cheeks flush. "But whatever, Malfoy. A Slytherin doesn't slash themselves up. You have some major problems." I almost laugh. As if I don't know that already. I don't say anything, but crawl into my bed, and close the curtains around me, wishing already that Harry was here. I close my eyes, knowing what nightmares are in store. Eventually, I drift off.

"_Draco, come here, please." _

_Father's voice is deadly calm. I shiver. I'm twelve years old, and by now I know better than to think anything good will come out of this. I approach with caution. I don't know what I've done wrong... It's the Christmas holidays, and I want nothing more than to go back to Hogwarts. _

"_I hear you've been being rude to the Parkinson girl." His eyebrows raise and my stomach drops to my feet. I start shaking; I know there's a beating in my future. _

"_She's insufferable, father." I say, hoping this will help my case. Instead, he hits me. I don't back away when he does, knowing it will make it worse. Tears fill my eyes and I blink them back. I'll cry later when I'm alone. Right now my goal is to hold it back as long as father can see me, which I've gotten quite good at. _

"_I don't care if she is insufferable, Draco. You've been arranged to marry her since birth. You are __**not**__ going to mess it up by making her unwilling of the engagement." _

"_I apologise, father." I say quietly, though inwardly, I'm fuming. I don't want to marry her. This year, I've discovered that I don't want any girl at all. I'm gay. Father can never know this. _

"_You little, brat. You better be sorry." He advances on me. "I will not have you ruining our pureblood line by chasing your little fantasies." My fantasies involve escaping him. Some prince to come and save me. These fantasies will never be spoken out loud. _

"_Yes sir." I'm trembling now. I can feel him breathing on me. Suddenly he grabs my arms and I flinch away... _

I jump awake. Gasping. Pulling my knees to my chest, I hug myself, taking deep, even breaths. I calm down rather quickly, having had much, much worse before. Still, I'm shaking, and I wish Harry was here. I have no arms to run in to right now, and it leaves me with a sense of sickening loneliness. I don't know what I'm going to do this summer. Three months locked in the manor. If father was upset about Parkinson before... oh god. Suddenly the dream seems much worse.

By the time summer arrives, father will hear that I've finally messed it up with Pansy. In fact, I don't know _how_ I'm going to get through the summer months with a secret boyfriend and.... a supposed fiancé who now hates me. I feel sick. Nauseous, and now, I'm crying. I can't do this. I can't. I feel so hopeless. I'll just have to find a way to finish myself off before summer. Surely, Harry will have loosened his reigns on me by June. I can probably escape...

But until then, I'll try to be strong. Wiping tears from my cheeks, I curl up in a tight ball under my sheets. I clench my eyes shut, trying to block out images of what's probably going to happen this summer. I can't do this. I sit upright, and search through my bag. I find a quill, which seems to be the only sharp object I can find. I can't risk transfiguring anything in here. Blaise is a light sleeper and I don't want to risk waking him by speaking the incantation. So instead, I'll improvise.

I test the point of the quill with my finger. It's sharp. I sigh in relief and hold out my arm. Careful to avoid the lacerations from my suicide attempt, I start scratching at the skin. It doesn't slice cleanly like my razorblade, but with a small amount of effort, I'm able to draw blood. I marvel at the crimson river that flows down my marred skin, and I realise how much of an addict I've become.

I will use anything and everything I can get my hands on. And the anxiety that's filled me is finally beginning to ebb away, as I scratch at myself again and again. Harry will be so disappointed in me...


	12. Understanding

Harry

On my way to get Draco the next morning, I contemplate the fact that I hadn't gotten an owl the night before. Either he slept through the night, or found his own way of dealing with whatever nightmare he had. Knowing him, he tried to cope on his own.

I am sure to arrive outside the Slytherin common room early, knowing that it wouldn't be a good idea to for Draco to step outside to an empty hallway. About ten minutes later, he's out the entrance, and in my arms.

"I told you I'd be here." I whisper. He pulls back and, instead of speaking, kisses me hard. I respond eagerly and when we break apart, I ask what needs to be asked. "No nightmares then?" I say, slightly reproachful. "I didn't get an owl." He bites his lip and looks at his feet.

"I-I." I sigh.

"Show me." He rolls up his sleeves and looks away as I examine the fresh cuts. But they don't look like cuts. More like scratches that had been dug at with a point. "What did you use?" I ask him, unsure of whether or not I want to know.

"Tip of a quill." He mumbles. I wince, knowing just how hard you have to work to draw blood with a quill.

"God dammit, Draco! Am I going to have to start taking quills away from you too?" I make the mistake of raising my voice a bit and he pulls back. I watch as he starts to cry. Because of me. I feel horrible remorse. I know how sensitive he is. I can't yell at him. And I also realise, sadly, that it will be a big mark in his 'recovery' once he can get through an entire day without crying. I sigh and lift his chin, trying to get him to look at me. He shies away.

"Look at me." I whisper. "No," I say as tries to avoid my gaze, "look at me." He does, and it breaks my heart to know that i caused those tears on his cheeks right now. "I'm sorry," I say sincerely. "So sorry. I shouldn't have yelled."

"You sounded like father." He chokes, weakly.

"I'm so sorry, Draco. Please forgive me. I just lost my temper for a moment." I'm desperate that he does. He doesn't say anything but just stares into my eyes. He keeps crying. "Listen," I say softly. "I want to help you get past this. I know how hard it is to quit."

"I can't do it." He wails. I take his hands.

"Yes you can. But you need to make the effort. I can keep taking stuff away from you, but I know that as soon as I do you'll find another way to slice yourself up. You need to try. Can you do that for me?" He stares.

"I guess... I don't know." I pull him into my arms

"I know you can do it, Draco. And I'm not saying it's easy. But you can." He burys his face in my shoulder, crying.

"I don't like it when you yell at me." I hear his muffled voice say into my shirt. "I can't handle that." I sigh, gently rubbing his back.

"I know." I whisper. "I'm sorry." I wait for him to calm down.

Draco

The last thing that I ever, ever want, is to have Harry yell at me again. Here I am, in his arms, crying, because he raised his voice. Something inside me shattered to know that I made the only person who loves me, angry. I'll try harder from here on out.

I need to stop crying now. We're still in the middle of the corridor, much too near the Slytherin common rooms to risk being seen in tears. I take deep, shakey, calming breaths. I've made an official decision in my mind that I'm the girl in our relationship. I'm standing in a hallway, crying into my boyfriend's arms. He's the protector. I'm the weak one right now. The vulnerable one. And strangely enough, the idea comforts me. Because I'll always have Harry to run to.

It's this thought that mainly helps me to stop crying. When I do, I pull back and wipe at my cheeks.

"Sorry about that." I mumble. "I keep having these... emotional break downs..." Harry laces his fingers with mine and we head toward breakfast.

"I'm the one that should apologise, Draco. It's okay. I understand. I cried everyday when it was me." I nod.

"Okay." After a few moments of walking something occurs to me. "What if I start crying during a class?" I whisper, mortified at the idea.

"Well, if you're in any class with a decent teacher, they'll let you step outside until you pull yourself together. Other than that there's not much you can do." I don't respond, but think. Ever since Harry saved me fromt the boggart, every time I've cried, I'd either had Harry with me, or desperately wished he were.

"You'd be there for me." I say with a definate voice.

"Of course I would." He says, as though there's not a question in the world about it. "I don't care if we're in _Snapes _class, I'd stop whatever I was doing to help you. I'd be right there." I smile, the thought of breaking down in a class no longer quite as scary if I had Harry to run to. I try not to dwell on what would happen if I were in a class that Harry wasn't in with me.

Harry

We get to the Great Hall, and as we walk in, a Slytherin whistles at the sight of us with interlaced hands. I fllp him off and we sit down. The moment we do, Draco grabs his bag and pulls out a quill. He hands it to me.

"Draco, I told you. I'm not gonna keep confinscating things from you. You need quills to write with." He keeps it pushed toward me.

"It's tempting. I can't do it on my own. Help me out by keeping harmful things away." He says matter-of-factly. The rest of the Gryffindor table has enough tact to pretend they aren't listening to our conversation. Ron and Hermione are arguing about something across the table.

"What will you write with in classes I'm not there for?" He seems to contemplate this. "I don't want to have to treat you like a child." I say. "But before _I_ can trust you, _you _have to trust _yourself._"

"But I don't trust myself." He states plainly. "So I want you to take this away from me after classes every day." I sigh. He doesn't seem to get it.

"This is ridiculous, Draco. I can't possibly confinscate every harmful object you could get your hands on." He stares at me, starting to seem desperate.

"But I don't want you to mad at me again." He whispers with a slight whine. "I can't risk the temptation." Rather than exasperated, now I'm remorseful.

"Draco, I'm not going to yell at you again. Ever. You need to learn to resist, and you can't do that if I'm taking every dangerous thing away from you." He sighs, but seems to resign.

"Fine." He says shortly. "It's just so much more difficult like this..." I frown. I don't tell him this, in case he takes it as me giving him permission to cut, but I'm expecting slip ups now and then. I know it will happen. And when it does, I'll be firm but sympathetic. I will never again try to handle it like I did this morning.

"Hey, Harry, Draco!" Ron is trying to get our attention. He seems very amused about something. "Check out what Fred and George sent!" Even Hermione is laughing. This must be good. He slides a photograph across the table. It's a picture of Snape.

"So?" I ask. Draco doesn't say anything. Ron smirks at me, and then taps the photo with his wand. The photograph transforms, and suddenly Snape is wearing a tutu and ballerina slippers. Both Draco and I burst into laughter.

"It doesn't just do Snape. Watch." Now the picture becomes me. I stop laughing, now scared of what's about to happen. He taps it. I'm in a bikini. I glare at him and pull the picture out of his hands as the rest of the Gryffindor table roars with laughter. I picture Ron in my mind at tap the picture with my wand. He appears there. Now Ron is the one that looks nervous. I tap it, curious to what it will do. What I see, is Ronald Weasley dressed as a fairy princess.

Now that, is amusing. Throughout breakfast we takes turns with the photo. Umbridge, Sirius, Lupin, McGonagall. Binns, Flitwick, and finally, Voldemort. We tap Voldemort's picture a few times. Draco seems to appriciate this. He's seen more of Voldemort than I have. The thought shakes him and I know that at least a few nightmares had to have involved him. So the sight of the Dark wizard in a dress, a bathing suit, a chicken costume, and a bonnet has got to be a break from has got to be a break from reality.

The bell rings. I give Draco the quill back and he reluctantly returns it to his bag. He looks at me.

"You're sure you don't want to take it away?" I sigh.

"Yes, Draco. I'm sure." He grabs my hand tightly and we head off toward class.

Draco

Today's been a bit better. I managed to get through all my classes, including the ones without Harry without too much trouble. The other Slytherin's are still giving me grief though, and I almost lost it during charms. I took deep breaths, and reminded myself that it didn't matter. I had Harry. Somehow, I kept myself from crying.

Right now Harry and I are heading to dinner in the Great Hall, and I'm actually a bit hungry. We sit down but I don't say much of anything. The cuts on my wrists are stinging and it's starting to get difficult to think of anything else. I've done so well today, but my self control is slipping. I want to cut.

I push my food around on my plate. Suddenly, I'm not hungry anymore.

Harry

"I don't know what his problem is. It's like he's got a stick shoved up his arse." Ron and I are discussing Snape while Hermione is looking at us disaprovingly. I glance over at Draco. He hasn't spoken at all. He's shoving his food around. I think something's wrong.

"You guys need to leave Snape alone." Hermione chimes in. I turn back to her as both Ron and I snort at this.

"Come on," Ron says. "You've got to admit. The bloke's a total arse hole. Real ponce. Sorry Harry." He adds. "Didn't mean it that way." I just roll my eyes. Draco tugs on my sleeve. All my attention turns to him. He's biting his lip.

"What's wrong?" He looks close to tears.

"Distract me." That's all he needs to say. I understand.

Draco

Harry frowns.

"It's not worth it, Draco. Really." I'm tired, and I want to cry. I keep biting on my lip. I'm done with the Great Hall... too many people.

"Can we just go?" I mumble, staring at my hands. I don't know why, but... I've got tears in my eyes.

"Of course." Harry says softly. He turns to Ron and Hermione.

"Hey, we're gonna get out of here. See you back in the common room." They nod.

"Alright, bye Harry, Draco." Hermione turns back to Ron. "Honestly, Ron. Snape's not that bad." I grab Harry's hand and we leave the Hall.

"You alright?" He asks me gently. I shake my head.

"I wanna cut." I mumble. My voice breaks. I'm not sure why I'm crying about this. I wrap my arms around his neck. He holds me tightly.

"It's not easy, Draco. I know." I sniff.

"I don't want to do this anymore." He kisses my forehead.

"Don't say that, Draco. You're stronger than you think." Now I really start crying.

"No I'm not!" I say loudly. "I can't even get through a whole day without cutting!" Oh god. Listen to me. "I'm so pathetic..." I whisper. "I should just do every one a favour and take myself out of the picture." Harry doesn't let go of me.

"It's okay. Shh. You don't mean that, baby. No one wants you gone." I bury my face in his shoulder.

"Father does." I say quietly. "I do."

"Well I don't." He tells me. "And I'm gonna be selfish here. I'm not going to let you do this." I pull away. Kids are starting to leave the Hall. Harry follows me into an empty class room. I slide down the wall, pulling my knees to my chest. I pull up my sleeve and stare at the barely healed lacerations from my suicide attempt. Harry sits down next to me.

"I should've tried harder..." I whisper.

"No. You shouldn't have." Harry says firmly. "Don't do that to me. Please." There are tears in Harry's eyes now and I start to cry harder.

"I'm a horrible person." I manage to say through my tears. "I'm putting you through all this. Oh god. You'd just be better off without me!" I'm sobbing now.

"Shh. No. That's not true. Not at all. Come here." He scoops me into an embrace. He just holds me and rockes me back and forth like he did the night I was in the Hospital Wing.

It's a few moments before I realise that Harry's crying too. Not nearly as hard, but there are silent tears running down his cheeks as well. For some reason, that fact that he's crying with me is comforting.

"I wanna see the stars." I say when I finally manage to calm myself down. Harry wipes tears off his own cheeks. He shakes his head.

"I don't think so, Draco." I stare at my hands.

"It's cuz of what I said earlier, isn't it?" I can't be mad. He's just being cautious. He nods.

"You need sleep." He says. "You're tired. It's late. That's probably what caused some of this." I almost start to cry again.

"But sleep doesn't help anything... I just get nightmares."

"Then owl me." He says firmly. "I have faith in you, Draco. You've got to have faith in yourself."

"Alright." I whisper. "Walk me to my dorm?" He laces his fingers with mine. I feel so secure when I have his hand to hold.

Harry

"Harry?" Draco says as we near the dungeons. His voice has become child-like again. "Why do you put up with me?" This question shocks me.

"What do you mean?" I ask. "I love you. It's not a question of putting up with you. I want to be with you. I want to help you."

"But I'm always crying about something. I'm putting you through all this stress and... getting you into trouble." He honestly doesn't seem to understand.

"I don't care." I say plainly. "You're worth it. One of these days you'll understand that." He smiles a little. We stop in front of the Slytherin room and I kiss him passionately. Then, all too soon. We break apart. "I'm serious." I say. "Owl me tonight. I don't want to see anymore cuts on you tommorow."

"Okay." He whispers. I wipe a tear from his cheek.

"Don't cry." I say softly. "It's alright. It'll be okay." He nods confindantly.

"Goodnight, Harry."

"Goodnight, love." I watch him disappear through the door, and start my way back to Gryffindor tower. It's a weird thing to hope for, but I want to be woken up tonight. Draco is worth much more than a night of sleep.


	13. I'll be good

Harry

"_Ron run!" Ron's being chased by spiders. He's screaming like a girl. _

"_Do your homework," the spider shouts. _

"_No, spider," I yell back, "I don't take ancient runes." Ron screeches. _

"_You be nice to Aragog!" Hagrid's voice yells. Now we're in Grimuald place and the Spider taps on the window. _

_Tap _

_Tap_

_Tap. _

I wake up, confused, and groggy. The tapping noise persists and after a moment I realise that it wasn't a part of the dream. I look around for the source of the noise and see an owl at the window. I jump up, suddenly wide awake.

Draco.

I rush over to the window to let her in. She squawks at me. She seems frantic and I realise that Draco must be real upset if even the owl's worried. Ron stirs in the next bed.

"What's going on?"

"Go back to sleep, Ron." I say. "It's just an owl." He mumbles something unintelligible and crawls back under the sheets. I unroll the parchment quickly.

_Harry, _Draco's handwriting is shaky. And I think the parchment is tear-stained.

_I'm so sorry for waking you up... but I had another nightmare and I want to cut too badly to handle this on my own...._

_Help me... Please._

_I'll be on the Astronomy tower..._

_Draco_

I feel my stomach drop to my feet. Fuck. I grab my cloak.

The astronomy tower...

What the hell was he thinking?!

Draco

I'm on the tower, despite the fact that Harry has specifically banned me from being up here alone. I sniff and wipe at my tears. I search around. Empty.

God.

He's not coming.

My dream was right...

Shaking, I step onto the tower ledge and look down. The ground moves below me, and I'm not sure if it's because of the height or because I have tears in my eyes. Scenes from my nightmare flash behind my eyes. I sent him a note. If he cares, he'll come stop me. But if he's not here in ten minutes, I'm jumping. It's what the world wants.

Suddenly something inside me breaks and I start to sob. My knees are weak and feel ready to collapse underneath me, and I almost let them, knowing I'd fall. I stare up at the stars for moment, just blurred patches of light.

_You think I ever actually loved you? _Harry's voice says in my mind. _I want you to jump. Go. I was only trying to get to Voldemort anyway. Why would I love someone like you? You're crying __**all **__the time. _

I just cry harder. It can't be true... No. He loves me.

Right?

That dream seemed so real...

Suddenly someone's arms wrap around my waist. Harry picks me up easily and sets me down on ground, back from the ledge. Without a word he spins me around, hugs me close and lets me cry.

Harry

I hold Draco as tightly as I can; trying to recover from the heart attack I had when I saw him on the ledge.

"You've got to stop doing this to me, Draco." I whisper. "I told you to owl me. Not threaten to throw yourself off a ledge."

"You didn't want me!" He wails. This makes absolutely no sense to me.

"What are you talking about," I ask. It takes a bit of effort to pull him off to look at him.

"I had a dream... I-I... you..." I put a finger to his lips.

"It was only a dream, Draco. You nearly gave me a heart attack. Don't do that..."

"I-I'm s-sorry!" He's hysterical, and I realise that he's still half-asleep. I just hold onto him.

"Shh... It's okay... you're okay. I'm right here..." My heart is pounding against my chest. It will be a while before I can get over the shock. Draco. On the ledge.

About to jump.

Draco

I'm taking deep breaths, trying to calm down. A sudden voice causes my insides to freeze.

"Well, well. I must confess myself... disappointed." My head snaps up and I feel my life crash around me.

Snape.

Is standing in the doorway.

"What have we here, Mr. Malfoy? Mr. Potter?"

"I-I..." I stammer.

"Draco..." My heart dies hearing him call me that. "I do believe I gave you a chance... yet... you go and blow it away." My lip trembles. I can't help it. I'm way to upset to start with to control myself. Harry, who had let go of me when Snape came in, grabs on to my hand. I hold it tight.

"What agreement is this, professor?" He asks coolly. How is he being so steady with this, when inside, I've fallen apart?

"I told dear Mr. Malfoy here that I wouldn't be writing to his father if he were to improve his behaviour." He says. His voice is menacing, and I shrink back a bit, half hiding behind Harry, who stands his ground. Snape looks at me. "I don't believe that Lucius will be pleased to hear that I found his only son on the Astronomy tower, crying into the arms Harry Potter. You weren't intending on jumping, were you, boy?"

I scream at myself in my mind as tears start slipping down my cheeks again. My brain is flooding with memories of the dream.

"Now, now, dear boy. You know better than that. But just to be sure... I shall be writing to Lucius. Oh, yes." He adds when I shake my head. "We had a deal." At this point, I lose all self control. Harry grabs onto me as I start crying again. I'm hit with such an overwhelming urge to jump the ledge just now it's almost impossible to resist. Harry seems to understand this. He holds my hand tightly and whispers in my ear:

"Don't even think about it, Draco." Snape stands and watches our exchange.

"You two make me sick. Get back to your dormitories."

Harry

When Draco doesn't move, I get scared. He's staring at the ledge, looking desperate. He came up here to jump in the first place and now...

I tug on his hand.

"Come on, Draco." I say softly. He looks at me, a blank expression in his eyes. I know better than to let go of him for even a moment. Snape swoops out of the room, smirking. I resist the urge to curse him.

Suddenly, Draco gets angry.

"JUST LET ME DO IT, HARRY!" He yells, and I almost release his hand in shock. The agony in his voice brings tears to my eyes.

"No." I say simply. "Let's go." He starts sobbing. He's frantic, hysterical, and tears start running down my face. I'm terrified, and I hate seeing him like this... oh, god I hate seeing him like this.

"GOD, HARRY, PLEASE!"

"NO!" I shout back. "I'M NOT GOING TO STAND BACK AND LET THE PERSON I LOVE THEMSELVES!"

"I WANT TO DIE!" He shouts, and breaks off in tears. "Please." He whispers.

"Never in million years." I whisper back. I tug on his hand again. He gives me a pleading look. "What don't you understand about the fact that I love you and I'm not going to let you do this to yourself?" I ask.

"But..."

"But nothing." I tell him. "Come on. You're sleeping with me tonight." I know there is no other option. The second I let him out of my sight he'll be up here again.

"I love you." He whispers nearly inaudibly.

"I love you too. That's why we're going. Let's go. Down the stairs." He gets a look. "WALK down the stairs." I add. "I'm going to have to start treating you like a child aren't I?" I wipe tears from my cheeks, shocked that he'd even think of throwing himself down a staircase.

"I..." I cut him off.

"Draco, if you're going to keep trying to do yourself in like this, I'm going to get professional help." He stops walking and looks at me as though I've committed the deepest betrayal.

"I won't talk to them!" He says stubbornly. He's still crying.

"I don't care." I tell him sternly. "If you're with a professional I at least know they'll make sure you can't get your hands on anything dangerous." He seems to ponder this.

"I'll be good..." He whispers. I nod, and we start walking again. When we reach the Gryffindor common room, Draco seems completely exhausted. The Fat Lady looks worried.

"Oh! Dear... Is he alright?" she asks me. I shake my head and mumble the password. She opens up and, with one hand holding firmly to Draco's arm at all times, lead him up the stairs to the dormitory.

Without a word, Draco crawls under the covers and fall asleep, which is a relief to me, because I'd otherwise stay up until he was asleep, to be sure he wouldn't take off.

Draco

I wake up in Harry's bed and it takes me a moment to remember why I'm here. I sit up slowly and Harry is instantly at my side. Everything hits me at once.

"Snape." I whisper. He gathers me into his arms. I just hold on to him tightly. In his arms is the only place I feel safe.

"You're okay." He whispers. "You're alright."

Harry

I've managed to coax Draco down to breakfast. It's clear that he won't eat anything... but it's enough of a victory just to get him to leave the room. If it were up to him, he'd spend the whole day in the dark, hugging his knees to his chest.

The owls swoop in and I physically wince when Draco's owl lands in front of him. I watch, worriedly as he takes a small note from its leg. He makes no expression to give away what it says, and then tells me he has to use the bathroom.

"I'll come with you." I say immediately. But he shakes his head.

"I want _some_ privacy." He says. And then, although I should know better, I allow him to go. The moment he's out of my sight, I'm up.

I rush to the dormitory and dig around for the map, cursing myself for not bringing it with me. I check the boy's bathroom.

Draco isn't there. I search around until my eyes find Draco. He's in the Slytherin dormitories. My heart sinks. Beside his name is another.

_Lucius Malfoy _


	14. Then Where Is He?

Draco

_Slytherin dorms_

_Now._

That's what the note says. I fight the urge to throw up. I know that writing. Oh god.

Father. I arrange my face into an extremely false sense of composure and glance around at Harry. He's watching me closely. After all, how can he not watch me, after I begged him to let me kill myself last night?

"I have to use the loo." I say, starting to get up. As expected, Harry moves to follow me.

"I'll come with you." I pull together every inch of self control I have.

"I want _some_ privacy," I say, creating a voice designed to sound slightly prideful and a little humiliated. Inwardly, I'm silently begging him to follow me. This may be the last day of my life, no scratch that, this _is _the last day of my life. If father doesn't kill me, I will. I promise.

So naturally, it makes sense that I get an overwhelming urge to pull Harry to me and kiss him for the last time. But I can't, because he'll know something's wrong. So instead, I fight the tears and pretend that nothing's wrong. I pretend that this isn't the last time I'll ever see him.

The entire way down to the dungeons, I make the frivolous attempt to calm myself down.

_Just do this one last time. _

_One last time._

_You can die tonight, but don't cry. For god's sake don't cry. _

My lip trembles. It's not working...

I stop for a moment and lean against a wall. Breathe in. Out. In. Out. I pull in all the energy I have left to conjure the cold mask that I wore for years. But Harry shattered that mask. And now, when I need it most, I can't get it back.

No.

That's rubbish. I have to get it back. I _have _to. I did this for years. Come on Draco. One last time. You can do this...

But the truth is... I don't know if I can. But I've run out of time. I have to get there now, because if I'm late, father will make it even worse.

When I walk into my dorm, father is sitting on my bed. My stomach drops to my fight and I'm suddenly torn between the urge to throw up, run away, or just to pull out my knife and slit my throat right here.

I want to die.

"You've been crying." Father notes with disgust the moment I walk in. I freeze by the door, terrified of getting any closer. Though I should know better by now, I decide my best option is to lie.

"I haven't father." I say coldly, surprised when my voice doesn't tremble, considering the fact that the rest of me convulsing. Father's eyes glare at me, and I find myself wishing that it was the glare of a basilisk instead.

"Don't lie to me, Draco." His voice is ice, and full of hatred. I almost start to cry as I note that a father is supposed to love his son. I've known nothing but hatred all my life... "Come here, boy." He demands, and reluctantly, and terrified I step tentatively toward my father. "Closer!" He snaps. I inch forward.

Father grabs my by arms, a bit above the elbows, and I feel bruises form to the shape of his fingers. I try not to wince with the pain as he moves his face an inch from my own and whispers, deadly low, in a threatening tone that makes me shiver.

"What have I been telling you from the moment you were born, Draco?" I fight as hard as I can not to draw away from him.

"A Malfoy never cries." This time my voice does tremble. I can't keep my cool when he's this close...

"Then tell me, Draco," his voice becomes even more menacing, "why I received a letter from dear old Severus explaining that he found you crying on the astronomy tower with none other than Harry Potter."

"I-I" I stammer. Father doesn't loosen his grip on my arms.

"You weren't planning on killing yourself I hope?" He raises his eyebrows. I don't answer. Suddenly he releases my left arm and brings his hand back to slap me so hard across the face that if he handing still been holding my other arm, I would have toppled to the ground. His voice becomes a growl.

"You should know better than to sink so such weakness, Draco." He shoves me backwards and I fall to the ground. My left wrist protests in searing pain as I try to brace myself. Father towers over me. His voice is deadly soft again.

"What was Harry Potter doing on the tower with you?" I'm silent, trying to decide how to answer. Father is impatient. He kicks me hard in the side, I groan and shout out,

"He was trying to stop me!" He kicks me again and growls,

"DON'T LIE TO ME! Harry Potter hates you." The words ring through my ears and echo all the way down to my heart. "Why would he take the time to come and stop you? He'd tell you to jump!" It takes every ounce of control I have to stop from bursting into tears.

"No." I whimper. "No... he doesn't hate me." I'm trying to convince it to myself. "He came to stop me..." Father grabs my hand and yanks me up, and it feels like my shoulder's been dislocated. He throws my across the room and my head smacks on the wooden post of the bed.

"There's one way to find that out..." He says, his eyes narrowing. I swallow hard.

Block your mind.

Come on, Draco, block your mind.

"_Ligilimens!" _

My past rushes to my mind, playing behind my eyes in a sequence of face moving images.

The boggart.

Harry saving me from the boggart.

My cuts.

My crying.

Harry.

Harry.

Harry.

Suddenly father pulls out of my mind. I've never seen him look so disgusted, or more furious.

"What is this?!" He shouts. "I WILL NOT ALLOW A SON OF MINE TO BE A QUEER!" I say nothing, but back slowly away from him. I glance down at the wrist I injured a moment ago. I think it's swollen. Big mistake. Father glides over and grabs my wrists. Hard. I wince as his touch tears at my lacerations. He tugs up my sleeves. He stares at my cuts for a moment and slaps me again hard.

"You know what's pathetic?" He spits. "That you actually believed he loved you." His voice becomes soft. He strokes my bruising cheek, and speaks in a calm gentle, condescending voice. Oh god.... I can't take this. I can handle the beatings.

I can't take this.

"Why would he love someone like you, Draco? He's Harry Potter. He can have any girl he wants. So why would he have some faggot like you?" I don't answer. I bite on my lip and try not to cry. Father becomes violent again. He hits me so hard my ears ring.

"ANSWER ME!" I flinch away.

"He wouldn't." I whisper. My voice breaks and fathers tone becomes gentle again. I'd rather him yell at me...

"Now, now, dear boy. Don't cry. You know how... unfortunate... that would be for you." I take a deep breath. I've got to calm down.

"He doesn't love you, Draco." He croons. "He wanted to get to the dark lord." He hits me again. "And you almost let him."

"I'm sorry, father." I croak. He has murder in his eyes. I hope he kills me. He seems to understand what I'm thinking.

"No, no. I'm not going to kill you." He says. "That'd be too nice. And you need to understand. No one will ever love you, Draco. No one. Potter stopped you because of his hero complex. He doesn't care about you. If he did, he would have let you die."

"No!" I shout, and to my absolute horror, I start crying. "No, no, no! He has to love me, he has to! He saved me! He let me cry! He loves me!" No matter how much I say it, I don't know if I believe it. And what's worse, there are sobs wrenching themselves from my body. "HE'S THE ONLY REASON I'M STILL ALIVE!" I yell. "I NEED HIM!"

Father hits me again, and this time, his fist makes contact with my nose. I feel it break and blood starts gushing down in to my mouth. He keeps hitting me. My head, my stomach.

I collapse to the ground, still sobbing and without enough energy to stand.

"DON'T YOU DARE ARGUE WITH ME, BOY!" He leans over me, smirking, as I lie on the ground, begging any power who will hear me to let me die. "If he loves you," he whispers, with a sick, satisfied smile, "then where is he?"

**I know, I know. Only Draco's POV. Next chapter up soon. Don't hate me too much for making you wait.**


	15. One Day I'll Be Okay Final Chapter

Harry (as he sees the map)

My heart jumps to my throat as I see the name. What do I do? Oh god. I rush back down to the Great Hall.

"RON! HEMIONE!" Both of them look up, alarmed. I reach them, and take a second to catch my breath.

"Draco's dad is with him in his dorm room!" Neither of them seem to understand the problem, but they can both see that its bad.

"Okay..." Hermione says slowly. "What's wrong?" Suddenly I realise. I never told them WHY Draco was so messed up.

"Hermione, he's been beating him since he was five!" My voice breaks and I feel tears on my cheeks. "HE'S THE REASON HE'S LIKE THAT AND NOW HE'S ALONE WITH HIM!" The panic sets in. "I'm going to save him!" I turn on my heal and start to run.

"Harry, wait!" Hermione runs after me and grabs my wrist just outside the Great Hall.

"Let go of me!" I shout. I try to pull out of her grasp but Ron grabs me as well.

"Harry, you can't just run in there! Lucius will kill you!" I glare at her.

"LET HIM KILL ME THEN! I'VE GOT TO GET TO DRACO!"

"GO TELL DUMBLEDORE! DON'T BE RASH! HARRY PLEASE!" I stop struggling and break down completely.

"H-He's gonna k-kill him! Or he'll k-kill himself! I C-CAN'T L-LOSE HIM!" Ron looks positively alarmed to see me like this and Hermione stays calm.

"You're not going to lose him, Harry. Come on, we're going to Dumbledore right now."

She doesn't let go of my wrist. I think she's afraid I'll run off again.

Draco

He's right...

Where is he?

What if he's not coming?

I just stay on the floor, sobbing. I need this to end. Now.

"You did the right thing in trying to kill yourself, Draco." Father says gently. "But you're a Malfoy. And that looks bad on me." I say nothing. Everything is hitting me at once, suffocating me. I can't breathe. It's too much. Kill me. "STOP YOUR CRYING!" Father yells, hitting me again. I'm swallowing blood, and I'm starting to feel sick.

I give up. Please. I give up. Let it end.

"What's the matter, Draco?" Father asks, mocking me. "Can't take the truth? You made a grave mistake, son." He kneels down beside me. "You're never coming back to this school. You're never going to see that Potter boy again, and you know what? He's going to be glad I took you away. He won't have to deal with your snivelling little problems anymore. Do you know how sick of you he must be? Having to listen to you cry all the time? Oh he'll thank me for this, Draco, believe me."

"He promised." I whisper. "HE SAID HE'D BE THERE!" I shout. "YOU'RE WRONG!"

"DON'T TALK BACK TO ME!" I feel my shattered nose break even more. "WHY WOULD HE LOVE YOU?" He shouts. "HUH? WHY? THERE'S NOTHING TO LOVE!"

He's right...

Oh god.

He's right.

Harry

"Professor Dumbledore!" I'm shouting at the gargoyle in front of his office. "PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE!" He must have heard me, because the gargoyle spins around, revealing the staircase behind it. I rush upstairs.

Dumbledore's sitting behind his desk.

"Ah, Harry, Hermione, Ron. Come on in. What seems to be the problem?"

"Lucius Malfoy is with Draco in the Slytherin dorms!" I say hastily, wiping tears from my face. Dumbledore nods.

"Yes, Harry, I am well aware of Mr. Malfoy's visit. He wrote me last night and informed me that he'd be coming."

"Sir," Hermione jumps in, seeming to sense that I'm about to start shouting again, "sir, Mr. Malfoy is going to hurt Draco." Dumbledore raises his eyes at her.

"That's a very serious thing to imply, Ms. Granger." Suddenly I grow angry. The longer we take here the more likely we're going to be too late.

"He told me all about it!" I yell, starting to cry again. "I saw his boggart! It was Lucius! Hitting him! He's been abusing him since he was five and if we don't go now we're going to be too late! I CAN'T LOSE HIM!"

Dumbledore gets alarmed, and stands up immediately, coming over to me.

"I wish I'd known. Don't worry, Harry. Because of you, it's going to be okay."

Draco

"STAND UP!" Father yells. "Now!" I struggle to my feet, dizzy, and in excruciating pain. "Before we leave, I want some answers." I nod.

"How long have you been dating the Potter boy?" He spits in disgust.

"Since I tried to kill myself the first time." I say, thinking of him. I'm still crying. He should've let me die. Father hits me across the face again.

"You will never pull a stunt like that, again Draco!" He grabs a fist full of my hair and holds me still with it. "You're a Malfoy." He says, putting his face right by mine. "Malfoy's aren't gay."

As he pulls out his wand, the door bursts open.

"Let the boy, go, Lucius." Says a soft voice. Dumbledore is standing in the doorway, with Ron, Hermione, and... Harry. He came. Father lets go of my hair, and I drop to the floor, sobbing with all my heart. Harry rushes over to me.

"It's okay." He says, wrapping his arms around me as tight as he can. "Shh... It's over. It's all over." I don't speak. I can't speak. I just cry. I thought he wouldn't come.

"This doesn't concern you, Dumbledore!" Father growls. "It's up to me how I discipline my son."

"Ah, Lucius, you see, it does concern me. You're hurting a student of mine. And you're on the school's property, so yes, it very much is my business."

"Come, Draco." He spits at me. "We're going home." Harry lets go of me and stands up. He walks over to father, wand drawn. I take a deep breath and wipe my tears. I look around.

"Don't touch him!" Harry shouts. "He's not going anywhere!"

As Harry talks, I spot a knife on Blaise's beside table... I pull myself to my feet. No one notices. Ron and Hermione are busy holding Harry back. Father is focussed on him and Dumbledore, who have their backs to me.

"Now, now, Potter." I hear father saying as I reach for the knife. "Don't over work yourself. Once I take him home you won't ever have to deal with him again. I'm doing you a favour."

Wrong. _I'm _doing him a favour.

I grab the knife.

"You sick fuck!" Harry shouts, attempting to lunge at father. "I LOVE HIM!" I hear father laugh.

I try to stifle my sobs. I can't draw attention to myself.

"You don't love him." Father says. "No one could love him"

I put the knife to my throat.

"That's a lie!" Harry shouts. "I LOVE HIM! HE'S THE ONLY ONE I'VE EVER LOVED!" I smile, glad that this is the last thing I get to hear. I apply pressure. I'm killing myself in a room full of people...

And no one even notices...

I release my grip on the knife ever so slightly and take one last moment to look at Harry. I wish I could say goodbye.

Suddenly Harry turns around.

Harry

I turn around to see Draco with a knife to his throat.

"DRACO!" I shout at him, and rush over as fast as I can.

"Just let him do it, Potter." I hear Lucius drawl as I try to wrestle the knife out of his hand. Dumbledore has his wand pointed at Lucius, and Ron and Hermione seem unsure of whether they should step in. Draco won't let go.

"LET GO!" he shouts at me. "I W-WANT THIS! THE W-WORLD WANTS THIS!" I feel the blade of the knife slice through my hand. I notice small beads of blood at Draco's throat and I burst into tears.

"NO ONE WANTS THIS, DRACO! STOP!" I manage to wrench the knife from his hand and throw it across the room as he collapses to the ground again.

"You disgust me, Draco." Lucius speaks from across the room. "Greyback will deal with you when we get home." I wrap my arms around Draco, only mildly feeling the pain from my sliced hand. He clings to me, and I rock him back and forth, crying with him.

"You don't seem to understand Lucius." Dumbledore says. "Draco is not going to be returning to Malfoy Manor."

"Did you hear that, Draco?" I say, still rocking him back and forth. "You're not going back. It's over. It's all over."

"He has nowhere else to go, Dumbledore." Lucius says calmly. "You have nowhere to take him."

"He can come stay with me." I say, automatically. "Aunt Petunia will hate it, but I don't care."

"I'm not so sure about that, Harry." Dumbledore says. "But don't you worry, he won't be back at the Manor."

Draco

I refuse to let go of Harry. I bury my face in his shoulder.

"It's over." I whisper.

"Shh..." he says. "That's right. It's all over. It's okay."

"I suggest you leave this property, Lucius." Dumbledore says to father. "I will owl you to inform you of the situation later." I hold Harry tighter.

Harry

I don't know how long I hold Draco like that, but it feels like years. When Lucius leaves, Dumbledore comes over and kneels beside us.

"Draco," he says gently. "It's okay now." He shakes his head into my shoulder. I've stopped crying, but he hasn't. "He's gone now. We need to take you to the hospital wing to fix up your injuries, okay?"

"Draco," I say softly, into his ears. "Come on. I'm not going anywhere. We've got to get you fixed up." He pulls away a little and looks at me.

"Okay." He chokes out.

"Can you stand?" I ask him.

"I think so..." I stand up and help pull him to his feet.

Draco

Harry helps me walk to the hospital wing, and as we do, all I can think of is fact that he's still here. He didn't let father take me.

"You okay?" He asks me. I shake my head.

"No." I whisper. "Not right now. But I will be. As long as you're here."

And as soon as I say it, I know it's true.

"I'll always be here, Draco." He says. "Always."

And as we reach the hospital I smile.

I'm going to be alright.

It will take a long time and a lot of struggle, but I have Harry.

And eventually, I will be okay.

He's all I need.

**Well there you have it folks. I'm thinking about doing a sequel to this, so let me know if I should. Just so you know how it ends, Draco does eventually go to stay with Harry and the Dursley's, because Dumbledore can't think of anywhere else to send him. PLEASE REVIEW. This is the last chapter so let me know what you thought of it all, and if I get enough requests, I shall write a sequel about their summer. **


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